Pirate Guy
by Hamza9236
Summary: Stewie Griffin, baby genius has created a new invention leading his family and some of Peter's friends to a new world with unlimited possibilities. Will they ever make it back home? Or will they have to live the rest of their lives in a fantasy world?
1. New Invention

**V: WELCOME, TO FAMILY GUY: NEW DISCOVERY!**

**B: THAT'S RIGHT!**

**W: Jesus Christ, can you guys shut the fuck up, we're trying to sleep here.**

**N: Yeah, what the hell?**

**T: It sounds like you guys are in an action movie.**

**V: Sorry. Anyway, this is basically a story where once again, one of our favorite smartasses to ever exist who goes by the name of Stewie Griffin, unlike his father is a very intelligent boy and here, he either decides to see another universe, or he is teleported somewhere.**

**B: You just spoiled it, man.**

**V: No I didn't. I just explained the plot.**

**B: Whatever. The Dragon Ball Super characters won't be appearing here. This will only be a crossover between Family Guy and another show. You won't be able to find out until the chapter where the characters meet is released, so sorry guys, and yes there will be cutaways. You can tell if the words are tilted. By the way, I checked online and found out everyone Stewie can understand and from every single episode in existence showing proof, everyone in his family can understand him. The only who can't is Lois, but I think she has had a word with him before, but I'll check later. Anyway enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing. Family Guy belongs to Seth and the show I will do coming soon belongs to their owners. But I do own this one OC in this chapter.**

Chapter 1: New Invention

It was a normal day in the Griffin residence, Brian writing some stories which unfortunately never get sold or even become known, Stewie doing some crazy scientific idiotic or evil master plan, Chris and Meg doing some teenager stuff, wanting to be loved, talking to each other , Lois watching some TV by herself and Peter, the family retard was either out with his friends drinking beer at The Clam or doing any crazy, moronic idiotic scheme or thing.

Today was Thanksgiving and everyone Peter and Lois knew were coming to have a party that evening. Right now, Stewie was in his bedroom making an invention and Brain happened to walk in.

"Hey Stewie." Brain said. Stewie just remained silent as he was working with what looked like a disk, like the one that works as a time machine.

"Do you mind telling me what you're making?" He asked.

"I'd prefer not to tell. You'll see during the thanksgiving party tonight." The baby mastermind replied.

"Wait... are you... this isn't anything dangerous right? Like you're not planning on having a mass murder, because it seems as that no one would put the blame on a baby for such a thing."

"Hey guys." Chris walked in. "What are you making Stewie, a miniature time machine?"

"He won't tell me. He says that he's planning to use it on everyone during the Thanksgiving party." Brian told him.

"I'll tell you this, it will take us somewhere. Somewhere beyond belief. That's the only hint you're getting." Stewie said.

"It better not be someplace crazy for a stupid purpose, like when Peter took me to Antarctica."

(Cutaway Begins)

_Peter and Brian were being blown away by the cold breeze and were barely able to move. _

_**"REMIND ME WHY WE CAME HERE?!" **Brain yelled._

**_"TO GET PENGUINS SO WE CAN TEACH ALL BIRDS HOW TO FLY! EVEN OSTRICHES!"_**

(Cutaway Ends)

Lois was on the phone talking to Bonnie and Donna, Cleveland and Joe's wives about the party.

"Just be sure not to bring the kids over just in case Peter does something stupid. Actually you might wanna stay home and just let Cleveland come." Lois told Loretta.

_"Don't worry about it, girl. I got it under control. See you later.__" _Loretta hung up. Lois then called Bonnie. "Wonder what Peter's doing right now. Probably having a stupid conversation about random crap."

* * *

The Clam...

Peter, Quagmire, Joe, Cleveland...

The four friends were drinking beer and having crazy conversations like they do everyday, but they couldn't think of a subject to talk about.

"Well, this is boring..." Peter stated. "...like that time when we were going through Quagmire's boxes."

(Cutaway Begins)

_Peter, __Joe, Quagmire and Cleveland were going through some boxes in Quagmire's house. _

_"Jeez, how many penis suppressing straps can one guy own?" Joe questioned._

(Cutaway Ends)

"Well, actually you're inviting us to that Thanksgiving party at your house so that's something to talk about." Joe said.

"Yeah, like are there gonna any random chicks in there that I can bang?" Quagmire questioned. "No, it's only family members. Last time I did that, Lois banned me from drinking for a week, and it was absolute hell."

"Oh, and is that crazy father-in-law of yours going to be there, Peter?" Cleveland asked. "Yep, just him. His wife is gonna be out somewhere else and Lois was a bit disappointed but I told her just to get over it and she did."

"Hey, is it alright if I come too?" Jerome asked. "Sorry buddy, we already had everything planned. Maybe next year." Peter said.

"Aww." "Well can I at least bring a girlfriend over with me or something?" Quagmire asked. "Do that and Chris will be crazy. Believe me that's the last thing we need." Peter retorted.

* * *

Griffin House...

Brian...

Brian was walking out of the kitchen after having something to drink when Lois came in.

"Brian, is it alright if you can take me to buy a turkey?" Lois asked. This surprised Brian.

"You haven't bought one yet? They're probably all sold out now." Brian retorted. "I know, but there's a place where there's plenty that I know of. Please?" Brian sighed. "Alright I guess I can take you. After all, I've put up with Peter always thinking it's the rise of the machines."

(Cutaway Begins)

_Peter and Brian were on a sidewalk waiting for the light to be green. The sign said "don't walk". Once it said "walk", Peter pulled out a shotgun and shot the walk sign, destroying it. "We don't have long." Peter told Brian in a serious voice._

(Cutaway Ends)

"H... how does that relate to that?" Lois asked. "Well, I mean it better than being with Peter doing something stupid." Brian replied.

"Well, anyway I'll tell you where the place is and you can drive." Lois said as they entered Brian's car.

A minute later, they stopped in front of a regular house. "Alright Brain, I'll be back. Just stay put and don't go anywhere." And Lois left the car and entered the house. Inside was a girl with brown hair, eyes, and tan skin wearing black pajamas, socks and green shirt. She seemed to be in her mid twenties.

"Hi Margarita." Lois said. "Oh, hi Lois. I've been expecting you. The turkey, right?"

"What else would be the reason?" Lois chuckled.

"Don't forget my payment." Margarita demanded. "I know, $40. I have it in my purse, hold on." She took out two $20 bills and gave it to Margarita as she headed to the basement to get the turkey. She came back a minute later with an uncooked turkey, ready to be cooked for Thanksgiving.

"Thanks. Again I really appreciate what you're doing for me. Its not often that someone gets turkeys on the day of Thanksgiving. Happy holidays." Lois said as she went through the door.

But when she left, she saw Brian standing outside leaning on the car door. He looked very pissed off.

"Brian, what happened?" Lois asked. "We ran out of gas. Just our luck."

"That's alright. I can just get an Uber." And she took out her phone, and ordered a car. "Well that solves that but how are getting my car back home?" Brian retorted.

"Well we could just buy some gas, and make sure Peter doesn't get near it first."

(Cutaway Begins)

_Peter was in the garage and was putting some gasoline into some empty Coke cans._

_He was planning to sell these to random people and charge $2.50 a piece._

_"After this, I plan on adding kerosene to make it even more tastier." Peter said as he looked up into the screen, facing the viewers._

(Cutaway Ends)

* * *

Swanson House...

Joe, Bonnie, Susie, Kevin...

It was evening and the party would soon begin.

"Now Kevin, you're going to take good care of your baby sister, right?" Joe asked. His son chuckled. "Dad, you don't have to worry about a thing. And if you said, if you don't come back, don't panic because that means you just had to do some important thing or your friend has done something crazy."

"That's my boy. Alright honey if I don't come back you know what that means." Joe called to his wife. "DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING!" Bonnie replied as Joe brought himself out of the house.

_Now what would be the most entertaining thing to do now? Take her to daycare and hang out?_ Kevin thought. _Yeah, I'll do that._

_If he sends me to daycare, this bastard's got another thing coming to him. _Susie thought.

* * *

Brown House...

Cleveland, Donna, Cleveland Jr., Roberta, Rallo...

"You guys can handle yourselves without me, right? And if Peter does something stupid, then I'll be gone for days, not weeks, not months, not years, days." Cleveland assured his family.

"It's alright Cleveland. I got it all under control, now why don't you go enjoy yourself." Donna assured her husband.

"Alright. See you the next time I see you." And he walked out of the house. _Now to have some fun._ And she went to call up some of her friends for a party and kick the kids out temporarily.

* * *

Quagmire's House...

Quagmire...

Glenn Quagmire was readying himself for the party. Even though he knew there would be no chicks around for him to bang, he would still just try to get in on them. He was wearing his usual clothing and looking himself in the mirror.

_Boy, don't YOU look sexy tonight. You're definitely going to... there's no chicks coming. Ah, well. There's still Lois and Bonnie. _Quagmire thought.

"All right." He said as he looked at the mirror doing a pose. He then went downstairs to the door to go to the party and as expected, he saw some friends, and Lois' father, Carter Pewterschmidt coming over.

* * *

Griffin House...

Stewie...

He had been working on that same device from before and now he was sure that it was in working order with everything.

"Alright Rupert." Stewie told his teddy bear. "Tonight, I'm going to take everyone for a ride, to somewhere they thought could never exist. Unfortunately you can't come. Don't worry you still have the other toys to keep you company. Now I'm going to do this when the time is right."

"Stewie, just say where your going to take everyone." Brian walked in. Stewie sighed. "New York City. Happy now?" Stewie was actually lying. "Oh, alright then. I guess New York could be a good place to visit."

"Don't tell anyone though. I wanna keep this a secret." Stewie giggled. "Um... ok." Brian walked out. "That was too close for comfort." Stewie said to Rupert. "What they don't know is that there may actually never be a way to return back home."

Downstairs, the party wasn't that exciting. It was only the Griffins, Joe, Quagmire, Cleveland and Carter. Still they were enjoying themselves as they were talking. The gang were having crazy talk with nonsense rants and right now, it was Peter's turn.

"OK, I got a good one. So a 21-year old prostitute/alcoholic with a clean medical record as far as STD's and a 50-year old nymphomaniac with 20-year cancer, heart disease, diabetes and 7 STD's including The Clap, HIV, and Hepatitis C, walk into a strip club where they meet-"

DING!DING!DING!

Peter was interrupted when Lois rung a bell. "Lois, I was in the middle of a legendary joke." Peter complained. "You can tell the joke later. It's time to eat."

"No one's eating." Someone said. "Peter, was that you?" Lois asked. "No, you Cleveland, Quagmire, Joe?"

"Nope." "Wasn't me." "Can't even do that voice."

"Kids?" Lois asked.

"I'm a girl." Meg said. "I hate those accents." Chris argued. This was confusing. "Wasn't me either." Carter added on. It could only be one person. They all looked at Brain.

"What? I'm not the one who did it either." Brian retorted.

"It was me." Everyone turned to the stairs and saw Stewie with some sort of disk. "Stewie, why are you holding a frisbee?" Peter asked.

"It's not a frisbee, it's our trip to New York City, bitches." Stewie said.

Everyone started getting excited. "SCREW THIS, LET'S GO TO NEW YORK!" Joe shouted. Everyone else started cheering, but what they didn't know is that it wasn't New York like they thought it would be.

"Everyone gather around." Everyone gathered around Stewie. For some reason they could actually trust the baby mastermind. Stewie then set his device for a strange place.

It started glowing and three seconds later, a portal opened under everyone sucking them in. They all screamed.

"AAAAAAAHHH!"

**V: There you have it. Chapter one if this ridiculous story. Try to guess where they go to. Here's a hint, there are no hints.**

**W: LOL, seriously though, the hint is something what we've planned. Like Stewie said, it's beyond belief. So try your best to guess with a comment and thanks for reading this chapter.**


	2. Seperated

**V: Well, this is certainly a predicament. I'm working on three stories at once. Hopefully I can handle the pressure of this. Yes, if you don't know me, I'm working on two other stories. Check my profile.**

**B: Hell yeah. **

**W: STOP PLAYING AROUND! WE'RE ONE OF THE THREE LAST SQUADS LEFT AND NOGLA DIED! NOW IT' 4.**

**N: Yep, you couldn't get the card in time so I'm stuck spectating.**

**W: Sorry. Anyway, I've been noticing that our writing has been becoming, I don't know, suckish? **

**V: Yeah, this isn't really as easy as you think it is.**

**W: Well, if no one guessed the correct answer, that's that.**

**V: Yep, now sit back and enjoy this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Chapter 2: Seperated

Of course, Stewie lied about New York as we've already established that, but what he didn't know is that once everyone fell down, they were separated.

Carter, Lois, Peter, Quagmire, Joe, Cleveland, Meg, Brian, Chris and Stewie were all separated.

Right now, Peter was laying down in unconsciousness. He started to moan as he woke up, closing and opening his eyes.

They shot up as he got up and realized something as he looked around him. There were flowers everywhere.

"This isn't New York. Where the hell are we?" Peter said.

"Don't know, but take a look that this." Quagmire was behind him and Joe was too, expect there was something different.

"JOE, YOU CAN WALK!" Peter exclaimed.

"I know, but don't worry. I'm not going to be like the last time I was able to walk on these things again." Joe assured.

(Cutaway Begins)

_Joe was teaching Quagmire, Peter and Cleveland martial arts as they were all wearing white clothing, the ones used during martial arts classes and Joe was very serious about this._

_"I don't know about this Joe." Cleveland complained._

_"THERE IS NO FEAR IN THIS DOJO!" Joe exclaimed._

_"Joe, w-w-we don't even know what a dojo is." Peter said._

_"THERE IS NO MERCY IN THIS DOJO!" Joe yelled._

_"Joe, why don't you take it down a notch?" Quagmire suggested as he saw how serious Joe was being, but he didn't like the idea of Quagmire being like that._

_"NO MERCY!" Joe shouted as he kicked Quagmire in the face, knocking him down._

_He then kicked Peter in the nuts as he took his right arm, brought it above him and threw Peter to the flow. _

_After that, he then proceeded to jump kick Cleveland as he fell down and Joe landed with his hand and legs completely spread apart and showed no signs of pain landing that way._

_He then went to fart on Peter's face and then left._

(Cutaway Ends)

"Hey guys, found yo-" Cleveland said as he noticed Joe was standing. "Don't say it. We get it. I can walk, let's just hope nothing happens to me. By the way, I still have my wheelchair with me. Wait, I'm pretty sure Bonnie has it." Joe said.

"Well, at least you can walk. You seem pretty happy about this." Cleveland said.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Joe asked.

"Let's just go. I wanna see what this place is." Quagmire said.

* * *

Lois and Meg...

Indeed she did. Right now, Meg was already awake and was trying to wake up Lois, who apparently fell with her. The wheelchair however was destroyed from the fall.

"Mom, get up." She tried to wake up Lois. "Get up, come on." Lois managed to get her eyes opened slowly.

"Uhh." She moaned. "Where the hell are we? This looks like some sort of forest." They were in a forest where trees had faces.

"Why do these trees have faces on them?" Lois asked herself. "I don't know. Probably just tradition of some sort." Meg suggested.

"Hello there." One of the trees said right behind Lois.

"AHHH! HOLY CRAP!" She screamed. She was now breathing hard for being so frightened. "DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT, YOU NEARLY GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK!"

"Oh, I apologize." The tree replied back.

"It's ok, just please don't do that again. I was scared half to death."

"Hey Mom, who are you talking to?" Meg asked. "Apparently, trees can talk here which is very unusual." Lois told her daughter.

"Oh, well do you mind telling us where we are?" Meg asked the tree.

* * *

Chris and Carter...

Carter was trying to wake up his grandson who was sleeping right now.

"Wake up fat ass. Get the hell up." Carter told Chris. He then took Chris' hat and slapped him with it. And of course, Chris woke up slowly. "Uh, what happened? Is this heaven?" Chris asked himself.

"Do you see any damn halo's on us?" Carter asked annoyingly. "Um, no."

"Exactly. Now let's get moving so we can get out of this stupid place." And the two started walking around the forest they were in. Then, a ladybug landed on Carter's elbow.

Chris was about to take it, but Carter took it first and crushed it.

"GRANDPA, WHAT THE HELL?" Chris yelled. "What? You thought I was going to let some bug stain my clothing?" Carter responded harshly. "No, but I was the one who wanted to kill it!"

"Look, let's just keep walking and see if we can find everyone else first." _And we can leave without that crazy son in law of mine. _Carter thought as he didn't want to have Peter back with him again.

"Hey Chris, do you actually have any idea what this place is? I'm pretty sure this isn't New York. Looks like your baby Stephen Hawking without the wheelchair and the robotic voice lied."

"Look, I don't know what my baby brother does these days. I honestly don't think we should consider him a baby since he's made crazy things like, time machines."

"Huh, maybe I could get him a job for me." Carter suggested.

"Yeah, but sometimes he can be pretty gay."

(Cutaway Begins)

_Lois and Meg were looking through something through a peephole in Stewie's bedroom when Stewie came in. _

_"What the hell is this?" He asked Lois and Meg. "Oh... hi Stewie. We were just leaving." Lois said quickly as she and her daughter left the room._

_"I say, what the devil is all the fuss about?" H_e saw a small peephole in the wall next to his bed. _He went to see what was through the peephole._

_"I don't get it, what's in there?" and he had an excited expression on his face. "BING BONG!"_

_Through the peephole was a man showering, and the curtain wasn't even closed exposing his naked body._

(Cutaway Ends)

"Ahh, don't worry about it." Carter assured.

"Really?" Chris questioned.

"Yep, I honestly don't have a problem with it. He's just a baby, how could he know any better?"

"He invented the thing that got us here, grandpa." Chris reminded him.

"Oh, yeah. Let's just keep walking." Carter said.

"I don't know why but I feel like we should go check out that big volcano up there."

Chris pointed to a large volcano that seemed inactive at the moment.

"Nah, not taking the risk." Carter replied.

* * *

Brian and Stewie...

Both of them were unconscious just like everyone else used to be.

Brian groaned as he slowly opened his eyes. He rubbed his head, only to find out that he and Stewie were on the top of a very small peak of an island.

What had happened?

"What the hell? This isn't New York." He then tried to wake up Stewie.

"Hey, hey Stewie. Get up." Stewie got up slowly. He wasn't in shock of the sight that he wasn't in New York.

"Oh... we're here. Nice." He said as if nothing happened.

"Nice? What do you mean? You said we were going to New York! Now we're stuck on this island. and we either gotta jump swim there or walk on the thin sandbar which I'm pretty sure we'll fall from." Brian complained.

"Oh, yeah. I lied. We weren't actually going to New York." Stewie lied.

Brian was actually pretty pissed off.

"STEWIE, WHAT THE HELL?! NOW WE'RE TRAPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE WE ARE AND GOD KNOWS WHERE EVERYONE ELSE COULD BE?! WE DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THEY'RE ALIVE!" Brian shouted.

"W... why would you mention God, Brian? I thought you were an atheist." Stewie retorted. "I am, I just had no other words so I had to say God."

"Sometimes, I can't understand what you mean."

"Okay you know what, forget it. DO you know where are? You were the one who set up that device of yours so you should know where it took us! And we need to find everyone so we can get back."

"Yeaaaa… that won't be happening anytime soon." Brian was confused.

"Wh... what do you mean?" Brian asked.

"Number one, I will not tell you where we are because I want to keep it a surprise for the viewers and nu-"

"Damn it Stewie, stop breaking the fourth wall!" Brian demanded. "We always do it so it doesn't matter if we do it in here. Number two, the batteries are dead, meaning we can't get back home."

Brian was now enraged at Stewie's stupidity.

**"GOD DAMN IT! NOW WE'RE STUCK HERE FOREVER! TELL ME HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE CALM IN THIS!? HUH, TELL ME STEWIE! JUST GOD DAMN TELL ME YOU STUPID DUMBASS BABY!" **Brian was incredibly pissed off, and that mini rant of his made Stewie pissed off as well.

**"OH REALLY!? HOW AM I A DUMBASSS IF I HAD SO MUCH SHIT LIKE A TIME MACHINE?! HUH! TELL ME, JUST TELL ME!"**

**"I'LL TELL YOU! YOU FORGOT ABOUT THE BATTERIES AND WHO KNOWS IF THIS PLACE HAS SUCH! OH WAIT A MINUTE, THIS ISN'T CIVILIZATION!"**

"Who's there?" Someone said. Brian and Stewie froze. They went behind a bush to cover themselves.

What they saw down there was a small boy with a red bandana, black spiky hair. That was all they could see. He looked up and the boy had emerald eyes and tanned skin and visible red cheeks.

"I could've sworn someone was here. Maybe it's just my imagination." And the boy went back inside to what Brain and Stewie saw were two to three trees moving the opposite way of each other, letting the boy into some sort of secret entrance and once the boy got in.

"Okay, we need to get out of here but we have to be really quiet." Brian said to Stewie. "But how? How can we possibly get down from here? There's no ladder or anything to get down and it's too steep. We'll injure ourselves."

"Then we'll have to jump and swim to the other side of the island I guess. The only time I remembered swimming was when my Prius went underwater."

(Cutaway Begins)

_Peter had sunk Brian's Prius since he didn't think it was on because he didn't hear any sound. But he didn't know that hybrid cars don't make sound. _

_While it was sinking, Peter opened the door and tried to swim out of the lake. He made it out, but then he remembered something. _

_"Oh my god!" He exclaimed before he swam back down into the lake._

_He went to the Prius and opened the other door to see Brian struggling to get the seatbelt off of him. Brian pointed to the seatbelt, but to his surprise, Peter took the turkey instead and swam back up._

_"Not now! Not like this!" He yelled as he tried to swim back to shore with the turkey in his hands. He put it down and saw Brian swimming behind him, reaching shore in seconds. He was breathing heavily._

_"PETER WHAT THE HELL?! YOU CHOSE A TURKEY OVER ME?! I ALMOST DIED!" Brian shouted._

_"I swear to god, I thought dogs could breathe underwater." Peter told his dog._

(Cutaway Ends)

* * *

Peter, Joe, Quagmire, Cleveland...

The four friends were just walking around, until Cleveland decided to bring up a would you rather.

"Okay, okay. Would you rather have the ability to see through anything, or the ability to get away with theft?" Cleveland asked.

"Well, let's just go ahead and say what everybody's thinking." Joe said. "The ability to see through anything!" They all said in unison.

"I mean, if you had that power, you could see through clothes." Peter pointed out.

"You could see some tits." Quagmire said. "Giggity."

"Well yeah, I mean it depends on just what you wanna see." Cleveland said.

"However..." Peter started. "...the ability to get away with theft, no that's just, no, no, just, the ability to see through anything. Because if I can see through anything, then I could just use it for bar tricks make money, I don't need to steal some shit."

"You've got a point." Joe said.

After a few minutes later of walking, they came across some sort of cottage.

"What kind of house is this?" Peter asked.

"Peter that's a cottage." Quagmire said. "Should we go see who's inside? Maybe we can find out wherever the hell your baby took us, Peter."

"Sure, why not. I don't see anything dangerous around here." Cleveland said.

"Alright then, let's introduce ourselves." Joe said.

**V: Oooh, cliffhanger. **

**W: Not... not really.**

**V: Well I think it is. Anyway, try to guess who that boy was during Brian and Stewie's segment and who could live in this cottage here. See you in the next chapter everybody.**

**W: Now don't do that t-**

**V: ALLLLLLLRRIIIGGGHHTT!  
**

**W: DAMN IT!**


	3. Answers

**V: We're back with another chapter.**

**B: Hopefully the wait wasn't so long.**

**N: We get it, come on. Let's push that team in Neo Tilted.**

**W: Fine.**

**V: Y-you just interrupted me.**

**N: I don't care, man.**

**V: Whatever. This is the next chapter of this story is where the Family Guy gang will get some answers as to wherever the hell they are, so don't go crazy. Now let's get on with the story.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Family Guy belongs to Seth MacFarlane and the show that will be shown here belongs to their rightful owners.**

Chapter 3: Answers

Peter Griffin, Joe Swanson, Glenn Quagmire and Cleveland Brown were now right in front of the door of the cottage they saw and were ready to see who was inside.

"Oh, and Quagmire, you need to promise us your not going to do anything sexual related if it's a girl in there for two reasons. One, if we get back, I can still arrest you and two, we don't want to make ourselves look bad."

DING!

Something went off on all of their phones and it was a news notification. When they read it, they were all in shock.

_November calendar miscalculated. Thanksgiving a day early?_

"WAIT, SO THANKSGIVING IS TOMORROW?!" Quagmire exclaimed. "Well, I guess that's a good thing. If we're stuck here longer, then we can make it back a day before we expect too. Maybe we can come back ON Thanksgiving." Cleveland pointed out.

"Look, let's just see whoever is behind this door and hopefully find some answers as to wherever the hell we seem to be right now." Peter said as he knocked on the door.

Three seconds later, a beautiful women showed up wearing blue clothing all over her, a blue coat and a blue top hat which was cone shaped.

"Why hello there." The women said.

"H-h-h-hey, you lookin' fine." Quagmire said. "Giggity."

"Yeah, sorry about that, your going to have to excuse him for that, he usually finds many women attractive and then he does that." Joe informed. "So by any chance can you tell us your name?"

"Glady. I'm Misty. What are your names?"

"I'm Joe Swanson. This is Peter Griffin, Cleveland Brown, and the one that was interested in you was Glenn Quagmire. We're new here and we wanted to wonder two things. First, what time is it since we left where we came from at dark and where are we?"

"Well, for your first question, it should be eight in the morning and for where you are, your in Never Land."

…

…

…

…

That struck all of their minds. A fairy tale land, being real, and they were on it.

"ARE YOU TELLING ME WE'RE IN A FANTASY WORLD!?" Cleveland shouted. "Huh, looks like then there are other beautiful chicks here than her. " Quagmire said now uninterested in Misty.

"Um, can I ask you one more question?" Peter said.

"Go right ahead."

"What the hell is Never Land?"

* * *

Brian and Stewie...

"Okay Brian. Here's the plan. Now if I'm correct, that cannon over there should lead to this secret base hidden inside of this island. If we can climb or crawl to there without being seen, we can then try to find the exit without being seen as well. Then you swim to the biggest piece of land over there, find our families, try to find a way to get out of this place and then go home. Simple as that."

"Stewie, how do you know this is going to work? For all we know there could be an entire army of kids trying to rebel or someone or something. I'm not taking the chance."

"Come on, Brian. Don't tell me your scared of kids."

"Stewie, these kids may be just as smart as you. That entrance moved on it's own."

"Are you serious, how can anyone else be smarter than me? I've invented a time machine for god's sake!" They were now getting to the point where they were about to fight each other until Brian finally agreed.

"You know what, fine. Let's go. It's not like we got any other choice besides jumping down." Then, they started to crawl on the grassy small hill and Stewie stopped for some unknown reason.

"By the way Brian, you owe me a coat."

"W-what? I... since when did I owe you a coat? We never did jinx or anything like that."

"But I'm the one who came up with this genius plan to get out of here, right?"

"So? That doesn't change anything."

"Yeah, it does. Plus it's Thanksgiving!"

DING!

Brian's phone got a notification about the Thanksgiving thing.

"Actually it isn't Thanksgiving."

"What the deuce are you talking about Brian? What do you mean it's not Thanksgiving?" Brian then showed Stevie the news about the calendar.

"Wow, so whoever made this year's calendar is basically a dumbass."

"Yep. Plus aren't you too young for a coat. Usually someone your age would get a sweater, or mittens or something."

"Are you trying to argue with me?"

"Yep."

"Listen, bitch! You do realize I could kill you right this second!"

"Oh really? I remember you saying you never wanted to lose me, basically saying you don't have the guts to kill me!"

They were so focused on they didn't noticed another kid exited the hideout and saw them up there arguing. He went back to the hideout to call his friends to come outside.

"DON'T TEST ME! YOU DO NOT WANT TO SEE ME GO ALL OUT ON YOU!"

"GO AHEAD AND TRY ME!"

**"YOU REALLY WANT ME TO GO AT YOU MOTHERFUCKER?! BECAUSE I CAN TAKE YOU DOWN RIGHT THIS SECOND! YOU ARE GETTING ME THAT DAMN COAT!"**

**"LIKE HELL I WOULD EVER LISTEN TO A BABY!" **

**"YOU WANNA FIGHT RIGHT NOW?!"**

**"FUCK YEAH, LET'S GO!"**

The baby and the dog then started rolling down the small grassy hill slowly rolling down the hill as they were throwing punches and kicks to each other. Stewie even tried to choke Brian by pulling his collar and Brian but Stewie's hand, making him enraged.

As they fought, they fell down the hill, landing on the sandbar, still throwing punches and kicks at each other rolling back and forth. Blood started to drip out from them from all the bruises. If there was one thing the Griffin family was good at, it was fighting.

Then, three kids came out of the hideout entrance and saw Brian and Stewie fighting and there was some blood spilled on the stand and bruises on them.

"I SAID TO BUY ME THAT COAT!"

"I TOLD YOU ALREADY I DON'T HAVE TO BUY YOU ANY SHIT!"

Two of the kids then tried to break up the fight by pulling both Brian and Stewie away from each other. The girl grabbed hold of Stewie while the boy grabbed on to Brian, and Stewie wasn't in a pleasant mood.

"LET GO OF ME YOU BIG FAT WHORE!" Stewie screamed. The girl immediately covered mouth with her hands in shock.

"YEAH, DAMN RIGHT YOU SHOULD LET GO OF ME BECAUSE I AM NOT ONE TO MESS WITH, UGLY, SEXY BITCH!" The girl then had enough as she slapped Stewie, sending him to the floor.

"What kind of baby are you, and where are your manners-"

PUNCH!

"DON'T TALK SHIT BACK TO ME, SLUT!"

Stewie punched the girl hard on her cheek sending her too the floor with a bruise, and the boy holding Brain down was in shock.

"IZZY!" He screamed as he ran to see if the girl, who's name was Izzy was alright.

"IZZY, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!" He asked frantically and worried. "I-I'm fine, Jake. What is with those two?" She said as they saw Brain and Stewie still fighting. The smaller kid then attempted to break up the bloody fight between Brian Griffin and Stewie Griffin, but Stewie just shoved him away while he had the chance.

"Yay hey, no way! We gotta do something to stop this fight! They'll end up unconscious soon." Izzy said worried.

Then, this happened.

"Wai-wai-wai-wait, hang on-hang on!" Brian said as they stopped fighting. "What are we fighting about?"

Stewie sighed. "You know... I have completely forgotten."

Then, sometimes, they started talking at the same time.

"Me too." Brian said

"Uh, Something about a coat, I uhh?" Stewie said at the same time.

"Yeah, I cannot for the life of me remember." Brian said.

"Oh my god, this is ridiculous, you know what? I-I just, I hope I didn't hurt you." Stewie said.

"No no no, I'm fine. I'm alright, I'm alright." Brian replied.

Then they atopped talking for a few seconds as Jake, Izzy and the other boy blankly stares the dog and baby awkwardly.

"So, uhhh... should we get going?" Brian said.

"No, I need to handle something first." Stewie walked up to Jake and Izzy.

"So, I even though this is very unlike me, I just want to apologize for what happened erarlier. I guess I just let myself get out of my own control and I actually hit you and called you sexy, bitch, whore and a slut. Now I don't expect you to forgive me but..."

Stewie then put on some baby eyes making it irresistible. Izzy just had to forgive him. He was just too cute and plus he was only a baby.

"Awww... alright, I forgive you." Izzy said with a sweet voice.

"Oh, and do you think you can keep all of this a secret? You know with the beating and words and everything?"

Jake was reluctant at first, but agreed. "Fine, just don't hurt Izzy again."

"Don't worry. Plus, the fat man is good at keeping secrets so I guess he could know."

Brian then jumped in. "Stewie, your father can't keep a secret to save a life."

(Cutaway Begins)

_We cut away to the neighborhood of Peter Griffin during 3 in the morning._

_"Hey everyone! Meg just had her first period!" He shouted so everyone could hear. "YAAAAY-"_

_"Peter, SHUT UP!" His neighbor next door Joe said. "It's 3 in the morning!"_

_"What the hell is going on, out there!?" Cleveland yelled._

_"Dammit, Peter, we're trying to sleep!" Quagmire retorted._

_"I'm just saying I'm proud of her. She's a woman! Yay!"_

_"Yes, Peter, that's very horny and I'll deal with it tomorrow, but right now I am exhausted!"_

(Cutaway Ends)

"Well anyway, welcome. Right now your in Pirate Island, our home. I'm Jake and these are my crew mates, Izzy and Cubby.

"Hi." Cubby said.

Brain picked Stewie up in his arms. "Well, I'm Brian and this is Stewie."

"I never got to ask this, but how are you, little man?" Izzy asked in a baby voice.

Stewie was not amused at all like most babies would be by her tone. "How many fingers am I holding up, sweetcheeks?" He asked angrily as he gave Izzy the finger. Of course, they didn't know what the finger meant. They only knew what the words meant.

"Um... one?" Izzy guessed.

"Well there you go. An answer to both questions."

"So, besides this particular island, do you mind telling where we are in general?" Brian asked.

"Of course." Jake said. "Your in Never Land. The happiest place you could be."

Brain went agape, and so did Stewie. "C-c... can you excuse us for a moment?" Brian took Stewie behind a tree.

"Stewie, what the hell?"

"Listen to me, I originally planned on going somewhere else. I didn't ask for the damn device to put us in this hellhole."

"Wait, hellhole? You don't like this place? Y-you're not interested at all? I mean kids your age would most certainly would."

"Brian, what have I done or try to do all my life so far?"

"Let's see uh, start a business, be gay, try to kill your own mother, try to take over the entire planet? That sounds about right."

"Exactly. I don't enjoy fantasies."

"Look, let's just deal with it for now. We might as well enjoy ourselves until we're able to get out of here."

"Are you done there?" Jake asked.

"Welp, we'd better get moving." Brain said as he and Stewie walked out of the tree and back to Jake and his crew.

* * *

Lois and Meg...

The two women were still thinking about everything the talking tiki tree told them.

"So how do we get out of here Mom?" Meg asked.

"Well first, we're going to have to find everyone and hopefully make it back home before Thanksgiving." Lois replied. Like everyone else, they got the message about the calendar being wrong. They were relieved since it would give them an extra day here just in case they get stuck.

"With our luck I'm guessing Peter's already ruining things again with his friends, my dad's probably with Chris and Brian is probably with Stewie doing who knows what?" Lois said.

"Well, at least we have each other." Meg said.

"Actually, I think there's something you should know Meg. Besides yourself, I'm probably with only one in the family who actually cares about you. Brian may be an exception sometimes, and Chris can be too, but rarely. Peter hardly shows respect for you and Stewie… I'm not really sure at this point."

She didn't even notice that Meg wasn't by her side anymore. "Meg?"

Meg was secretly following Chris and Carter and Lois managed to see it, even though she was a little bit far from them.

_You son of a bitch._ Lois thought about Meg as she smiled and followed her.

**V: That's our chapter. Hopefully it will satisfy you for today.**

**W: I must say, we've been updating this frequently. **

**V: Yeah, nobody asked for your opinion.**

**W: ): (**

**V: Anyway, comment and see you later.**


	4. Getting Used To This

**V: Well then, has it certainly has been quite some time since the last update?**

**W: I think not.**

**V: Actually, it was.**

**W: What? Count the days man.**

**V: Whatever. Anyway, as you could tell from last chapter, it was now official of what the crossover would be. And yes, I made a mistake. Let's change that here.**

**Brian but Stewie - Brian bit Stewie.**

**V: Now there's nothing else to say anymore. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Family Guy belongs to Seth MacCarlene and Captain Jake and the Never Land Pirates belongs to Disney Jr.**

Chapter 4: Getting Used To This

Peter, Joe, Quagmire, Cleveland...

After they had a visit with Misty, they decided just to walk around here, still trying to get used to the fact they were in a place they thought never existed.

"I-I just can't believe it. We're stuck here, no way home, we're separated from everyone else and now we find out we're in a fantasy world! My head's going crazy!" Cleveland exclaimed.

"Well at least we know where we are, but I'm pretty sure that the others are probably still on the island." Joe said.

"Yeah, if we're lucky, we can find me father-in-law, wife, son, baby, dog and Brian and get out of here." Peter said.

"Wait, Brian is the dog." Quagmire pointed out.

"I know." Peter responded. "Also, since we're here, there's been something I've been thinking about. Would you rather have sex with a mermaid or a pirate girl?"

"Pirate girl." Quagmire said.

"Definitely pirate girl." Joe and Cleveland said.

"Yeah, because if you have sex with a mermaid, her big tail covers up her vagina so you can't really make babies with her." Quagmire said.

"Yeah, And also they spend their time underwater, so technically if you do try to have sex there, it might not last longer than five minutes. Not even probably." Peter said.

"I mean, your going to drown if you try to have sex there. So basically, what's the point in a mermaid having sex? The only way that could possibly work is if your a merman or a lesbian mermaid." Cleveland said.

"Yeah, but then you're having sex with like a ten year old pirate girl." Peter pointed out.

"Yeah, and that's basically statutory rape." Joe said. "Like how that one time you had sex with a teen."

(Cutaway Begins)

_Joe and two other policemen were at Quagmire's door as Joe knocked on it. And Quagmire opened the door to reveal himself standing next to what looked like a teenage girl._

_"Hey, Quagmire, sorry to bother you, but we're following up on a tip. Did you have sex with this underage girl?" Joe asked Quagmire._

_"I don't wanna go to jail, but I really wanna take credit." Quagmire replied._

_"Quagmire, I'm afriad your under arrest for statutory rape." Joe said as one policemen took the teen away._

_Quagmire sighed. "All right, but let me just send the pictures I took of her last night to all my friends." Quagmire then sent pictures to his friends and Joe's phone buzzed._

_When he opened it, he saw the pictures._

_"OH, YEAH! BOOM!" Joe exclaimed, but his mood changed quickly. "You're disgusting. Take him away!" Joe told the cop next to him. "We got all the awesome evidence we need."_

(Cutaway Ends)

* * *

Pirate Island...

Jake, Izzy, Cubby, Brian, Stewie...

The five were inside of what was Jake's hideout as he was showing Brian and Stewie everything, right after Brain and Stewie cleaned themselves of their blood from the fight a few minutes ago. Brian was impressed while Stewie didn't really seem to care.

"And that's all there is. So what do you think?" Jake asked.

"I'll tell you what I think." Stewie said. "All of this... is child's play! I can do SO much better than this. So-So you had two other people make this place with you, huh?" Stewie asked.

"Well..." Jake pondered.

"Exactly, you can't match me, you know why? Cause I built a time machine, a working time machine, so suck my dick."

"Hey Jake, have you seen Skully?" Izzy asked.

"Oh yeah. He said he's on Skybird Islans. He'll be back later. I think..."

"Yeah, Yeah, all of this is great, can we please leave now and get out of this island?" Stewie asked impatiently. Brian decided not to even bother with Stewie since there was no point in starting another fight.

"My god your even more annoying than the fat man." Stewie said. "Not really, remember the time Peter bought that bird costume?" Brian said.

(Cutaway Begins)

_Stewie was playing with his teddy bear Rupert peacefully until Peter came in with a parrot costume._

_"Hey look! I'm a giant penis named Scroty!" He shouted as he spilled expired milk on Stewie as he covered himself._

_"Aw, DAMN IT!" Stewie said in anger. "Haha, now you smell like piss!" And Peter took off laughing like there was no tomorrow._

(Cutaway Ends)

"Also, Peter's stupidity knows no bounds. Like how he said that he could get out of the house faster than George Lopez to a sex box store." Brian said.

(Cutaway Begins)

_George Lopez walked up to a big fancy store, that had a big sign on it that read 'SEX BOX INDUSTRY 3000!', and George Lopez thought it was a store that sold sex boxes. He immediately squealed in joy and rushed inside._

_"Oh boy! Sex!" He screamed at the top of his lungs like a parrot. But when he got inside, all he found was a pile of ashes and flames. He was very upset. When the cashier walked up to him, George turned to him with a horrified look on his face._

_"What the hell are you doing here?" He asked hysterically. "This isn't a sex box convention! This is a tour of Germany after Hitler!" _

(Cutaway Ends)

* * *

Never Land...

Carter, Chris...

"Hey grandpa, why do I get the feeling someone is following us?" Chris asked. "Because someone IS following us." He replied as he turned around and saw Meg walking towards them.

"Meg, where the hell were you?" Chris asked.

"How should I know? Listen, me and Mom know what this place is and-"

"Daddy!" Lois screamed. She ran up to her father, panting and tired. "You... are not... going... to believe... where we... are!" She panted.

"Lois, talk faster! Time is money!" Carter ordered.

"We're in N-"

"Ow!" Carter shouted as a rock hit his head.

"Oops, sorry there." A figure said. A very slender figure wearing raggy clothing walked up to them.

"My name's Bones. Sorry about throwing that rock at you. I was trying to catch it. What's your name?"

"I'm Carter and I'm going to get justice!"

"Daddy, he threw a rock at you. That's not like any assault on you."

"I don't care, look at him. He looks like a hobo with a full set of shitty clothing!"

"Well, he's basically a pirate and-"

"Lois, don't be ridiculous! The pirates disappeared in the 1700's and 1800's, I'm not sure!"

"Daddy, we are somewhere that's a fantasy world! Ask him!" Lois demanded.

Carter sighed. "Fine. Hobo, where are we?"

"Wow, you don't know? This is Never Land. I'm surprised that you have no clue. This means that I can show you a song I wrote."

Then Carter punched Bones square faced before he got an instrument and sang with it.

"NO MUSIC! THAT'S ONE OF THE REASONS I HATE THIS PLACE!" Carter exclaimed.

"LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!" And Carter pulled Chris away as Meg and Lois ran after them.

"Hey, wait! You didn't say sorry to me!" Bones complained as he chased after them.

* * *

Peter, Joe, Quagmire, Cleveland...

"Oh, man am I exhausted." Peter complained. "Tell me about it." Cleveland agreed. Then, they spotted a large body of water that was in front of them. They all looked at each other before putting their faces in the water and drinking from it.

They honestly didn't care if this was salt water or not, they would drink it no matter what. Unfortunately for them, it was salt water as they spat the water out when they took their heads out of the water.

"Eww! Gross!" Joe exclaimed.

"I am never drinking water from lakes or beaches and stuff like that again!" Quagmire stated.

"Well, it tasted better then the butter that said 'I can't believe it's not real butter'." Peter said.

(Cutaway Begins)

_Peter put some butter on a piece of bread and when he bit it, he just made random noises. He stared in shock at the box of butter._

_Later, three doctors were struggling to hold him still in a hospital bed as Lois and another doctor were watching._

_"I don't know doc, this just doesn't really seem all that serious." _

_"Your husband murdered three children." The doctor told Lois._

(Cutaway Ends)

"Well, we drank. Now what? Should we just find a ship to steal and go find some shit?" Quagmire suggested.

"I honestly don't see why not." Joe said. But as they started to walk away...

"Hang on, is that a tail?" Quagmire said, pointing at the lake. There was a tail hanging out of someone who looked like a kid mermaid. Quagmire smirked seductively as he took of his clothing with only his underwear and packed a condom with his as he jumped into the water and swam to the mermaid.

"Should we try to stop him? He's probably gonna rape her." Cleveland said. "Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, now won't we?" Joe responded as the three followed Quagmire on land as he kept swimming.

"You know, for some reason, I feel like that giant chicken Ernie is around here somewhere." Peter guessed. "What makes you say that, Peter?" Joe asked.

"Well... let's just say we tried to make you up but it went wrong."

(Cutaway Begins)

_The Griffins were eating dinner at their table with Ernie the giant chicken, that way he and Peter could make up for everything and just be friends. He pushed his plate aside as he finished eating and sighed._

_"That... was... delicious, Mrs. Griffin. You are a great cook." Ernie complemented._

_"I'm glad you liked it." Lois replied._

_"Me too. You know what, I'm happy we're finally making things up, Peter. I mean, we were fighting over a stupid little coupon."_

_"Yeah, who'd ever thought we'd get so worked up over a coupon." Peter replied. Then, things went all downhill._

_"Dad, where do you want this undercooked chicken?" Chris asked. Ernie's eyes widened. He was now really angry._

_"A chicken? A CHICKEN!?" He screamed._

_"Look, in my defense, this was going to be tomorrow's meal!" Peter said._

_"WHAT!?" It wasn't long before they started fighting as they got up onto the table, rolling around on it and throwing punches at each other. Ernie grabbed Peter's neck and shoved it through the table, breaking it in the process. Then, they began their battle._

(Cutaway Ends)

"It cost two thousand dollars to replace that table. Plus, there was a matter of the civil suit he filled out, afterwards." Peter said.

"Did that really happen?" Joe said.

"Oh yeah, it was absolute chaos after that. Lois was so close to banning me from drinking again."

"So after that, I'm guessing everything went downhill from there, right?" Cleveland asked.

"Yep. That did not work out so well, but what happened next did." Peter said.

(Cutaway Begins)

_Peter and Ernie faced Judge Brown who looked particularly uninterested in being present for the case at hand. _

_"Mr. Griffin, where is you attorney?" The judge asked. "Your honor, I will be representing myself." He said in a stern tone. "In light of these absurd and anus charges, I move to immediately dismiss all charges, as there is no-"_

_"Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute." Ernie said, quickly interrupting Peter. "What did you just say?"_

_"I said IN LIGHT OF THESE ABSURD AND ANUS CHAR-"_

_"Right there! Right there! Right there! You said 'anus'."_

_"Right! These changes are anus."_

_"Shouldn't the word be 'heinous'?"_

_"Exactly, these charges are absurd and anus."_

_"Heinous."_

_"Anus."_

_"Heinous!"_

_"Anus."_

_"HEINOUS!"_

_Judge Brown slammed his gravel three times loudly. "Order! Settle down you two, or I'll hold you both in contempt."_

_"Objection!" Peter yelled._

_"On what grounds?" Judge Brown asked lifting one of his eyebrows toward Peter._

_"You overstated your ground, sir."_

_"What the hell are you-"_

_"You're leading the witness!"_

_"There is no-"_

_"Perjury!"_

_"OK, now you're just yelling random things to me!"_

_"Your honor, I am insulted. And I will not stand by and let this anus excuse for a trial continu-" _

_"There you go! You did it again! You just did it again!" Ernie yelled now clearly frustrated with Peter's repeated error. "Why do you keep saying that?"_

_"To make a point!"_

_"The word is 'heinous'."_

_"Anus."_

_Heinous!"_

_"Anus."_

_**"HEINOUS!"**_

_Judge Brown banged his hammer down repeatedly so many times he lost count._

_"Alright, that's enough! I'm settling this once and for all! Ernie, your lawsuit has absolutely no basis! You've failed to prove that Peter's actions had real malice behind them._

_Haven't we all accidentally brought home an uncooked chicken when we have a chicken over as a guest?"_

_"Your honor-"_

_"Enough! I find in favor of Griffin!"_

_"Yes!" Peter said rasing his hands in triumph. He then ran up to Ernie, uppercut him sending him to the floor still conscious and gave him the middle finger as he ran out of the courtroom._

(Cutaway Ends)

* * *

Jake, Izzy, Cubby, Brian and Stewie...

The five were now in Never Land as they were just walking around.

"You have a fat... ass. I mean, look at you. Your like a mini version of the fat man! No wait, that's Chris. Still, your a pretty fat kid." Stewie said about Cubby while he was far away from him. Then, something caught his eye.

"Hey Brian, what's that?" He asked.

"I... don't know. Let's check it out." Brian suggested.

**V: Look at That! Published three new chapters to all my stories in less than ten minutes. Anyway, I hope the wait was worth it for you all. Anyway, as always, comment and see you later.**


	5. Messed Up

**V: We're back at it with another chapter of Family Guy: New Discovery! I hope you laughed a lot last time.**

**W: Can someone please tell me why we are doing four stories at a time?**

**V: Uhh, because viewers?**

**W: Oh, of course. Viewers. That's why ya got 24 mil ya stupid ass.**

**V: Yo, don't get me started.**

**W: Let's just start the chapter instead. And also, not that I think about it, this actually wasn't the best name for this story. Well, it's too late now. And sorry for the late update.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Family Guy belongs to Seth MacFarlane and Captain Jake and the Never Land Pirates belongs to Disney Junior.**

Chapter 5: Messed Up!

Peter and Cleveland were carrying a bruised Quagmire with Joe following behind.

After Quagmire had tried to have sex with a teenage mermaid, she really didn't appreciate as she beat the crap out of Quagmire and Peter and Cleveland took him away before she could do anymore damage.

"You know, honestly I'd never think that Quagmire would be stupid enough to have sex with a mermaid, let alone a teenager." Joe said.

"Well at least there are other mythical creatures we can find, and maybe we can sell them when we get back home." Cleveland said.

"Even though I'm a cop, I'll admit I'd do that too." Joe admitted.

"By the way guys, don't you think we should've found the others by now?" Peter said.

"Yeah, your wrong in my opinion. Honestly, I think that the others are just probably adapting to this crazed place." Joe said.

"I guess so. Do you really think we'll be able to get out of here soon?" Peter wondered.

"Not really, this is a large ass island. I wouldn't be surprised if we haven't left until tomorrow." Cleveland said.

"Yeah. I wonder what the others are actually doing right now. Probably just walking around doing nothing." Peter said.

"Oh, and by the way I still think the giant chicken is here."

"Look, Peter. Maybe you should just forget about this whole thing and concentrate on the task at hand. Finding a way to get the hell out of here." Cleveland responded.

"Also, Peter, do you have any beer with you?" Joe asked.

"Oh, yeah I got plenty just in case something happened and we would starve to death."

* * *

Carter, Lois, Meg, Chris...

The four were still running away from Bones as he was still following them while singing a song and Carter was getting incredibly irritated.

"STOP PLAYING THAT MUSIC AND SHOVE THIS UP YOUR ASS!" Carter shouted giving Bones the middle finger.

"God, how long is this pathway!?" Lois exclaimed.

"I can't go on much longer!" Chris complained. Then, Carter saw a huge ship.

"We're almost at shore! I see a ship, we'll steal it and get the hell out of this crazy place!" Carter yelled.

"But, wait, what about everyone else?" Meg questioned. "We'll get them on the way!" Lois replied. They ran as fast as they could and fortunately, they were faster than Bones as the noise of his music was slowly fading away.

"GET ON, HURRY!" Carter motioned the others and got on board the ship. He then took the walkway away and sailed off.

"HEY WAIT, THAT'S OUR SHIP!" Bones yelled. "COME BACK!" But they already left shore. Carter took the wheel, Meg and Chris were just looking into the water and Lois was leaning on the wall behind the wheel.

"Daddy, are you sure this was a good idea? W-we don't even know who's ship this is. We might be stealing this thing." Lois exclaimed to Carter.

"If we are, then that makes us bad asses! So technically this is a good thing!"

"What in blazes is going on out here?" Someone shouted from inside a cabin. Everyone's eyes widened.

"Oh, crap. Uhh, make it look like we're clueless tourists!" Carter motioned. A few seconds later, someone walked out of the cabin.

It was a man wearing a red coat, a red hat with a feather on it and a hook for a hand.

"Oh my god! We are so sorry, we didn't know this was your ship air and... why do you have a hook for a hand?" Lois said.

"Well, if you must know, I am the elegant Captain Hook, and you are standing on me ship!"

"Welp, looks like we aren't tricking anyone today." Carter said. "Thought I could trick him like I did with Meg."

(Cutaway Begins)

_"Alright, now we play it cool." Peter told Carter._

_We are seeing Meg writing something on a piece of paper in her bedroom when Peter and Carter suddenly walk in. Peter started talking to her as they both made eye contact with each other._

_"Hey, Meg. Uhh, we're trying to make some money, and uhhh... would you like to buy some pot from your grandadddy and me?" Peter asked pulling a bag of pot from his hand. Meg was very surprised._

_"Umm, wow. Sure!" Meg agreed._

_"Oh, fantastic." Peter said as he and Meg traded the pot and money, but then Carter grabbed a lamp and banged it over her head, causing her to go unconscious. Carter then took the pot._

_"What the hell was that for?" Peter asked._

_"Now we have the pot and the money." Carter said before running off._

(Cutaway Ends)

* * *

Jake, Izzy, Cubby...

They were so busy walking they didn't even notice Brain and Stewie gone.

"Hey, guys? Where's the dog and the baby?" Cubby asked. Jake looked back and saw them entering some bushes.

"Well, it looks like they're going through there. Maybe they found something." Izzy said.

Let's go see." Jake said.

Stewie and Brian saw on the ground what looked like a diamond.

"Huh. It's a diamond. Maybe we can sell it when we get back." Brian said. "I guess so. Doesn't really seem like there's anything better to do with it."

"HEY! THAT'S MY DIAMOND! I SAW IT FIRST!" Someone yelled. Brian and Stewie looked in front of them to see Quagmire.

"Quagmire!" Brian said running up to him.

"Yeah, yeah, it's me! Where are the others?!"

"I'm, that's what we're trying to find out."

"And who is those kids?" He said pointing at Izzy.

"But most importantly, who.. is that... chick? Giggity!"

"Well, the big one is Jake, the leader, the fat ass is Cubby and that chick is Izzy." Stewie said.

"Apparently, they say they're pirates." Brian added on.

"That's absurd! First of all, there were no more pirates from the seventeen-hundreds and second, they're just kids. I don't see any, big sword, eye patch and muscular people. The only kid strong enough here is their leader!"

Quagmire responded.

"Well, aren't you going to ask who we are?" Jake questioned.

Quagmire sighed and walked up to them. "Fine, what are your names?"

"Well, I'm Jake, a Never Land pirate! These are my crew mates Izzy and Cubby." He introduces as they waved.

"Yeah, not interested in any of you except for.. that.. girl." Quagmire responded while his voice got seductive in the process.

"Come with me." Quagmire motioned as he walked. Izzy thought this wasn't a good idea so she refused.

"No. I'm staying." But then Quagmire pulled a pistol out and put it on Jake's head, making them scream.

"Oh, and by the way, this is loaded." Quagmire said.

"Quagmire, can we just concentrate on looking for the others?" Brain said. Quagmire put his gun away. "Well, I was actually with them. They were carrying me after I tried to have sex with a teenage mermaid who beat the crap out of me, but..."

(Cutaway Begins)

_Peter and Cleveland put down the unconscious Quagmire as they were pretty tired and decided to take a nap._

_"Boy, I'm pooped." Cleveland said._

_"Come on, you guys, that was only five minutes you carried him for." Joe said._

_"Yeah, but we're not strong like you. Look at us, we have flab here." Peter responded._

_"Very well. I supposed we can take a break." Joe said before laying down and going to sleep._

_One minute later, Quagmire woke up and saw everyone sleeping. Then, he decided to make a run for it and find some stuff._

(Cutaway Ends)

"Turns out Peter isn't actually a loud snorer. I thought he was." Quagmire said.

Then suddenly, Peter came walking out of the woods holding a beer can, drunk. His speech was very slurred.

"Hey-ee-ey. I'm on vacation!" He yelled. "Hey, nice ass, dick!" He said pointing at Izzy, who took this very offensively even though she didn't know he was intoxicated. Then, he started saying random Christmas Carols, getting the words completely wrong. _"On the 12th day of the Holocaust my bitch gave to me, 7 giant penises, 6 giant penises, 5 gi-i-iant penises." _Peter then collapsed, but got back to his senses seconds later.

"C-come on, what the hell? If you're going to break into random Christmas Carols while intoxicated, at least get the words right so you don't make a complete idiot out of yourself!" Stewie said.

"And to this day, I still don't understand how Lois married him." Quagmire said. It was then Peter started walking towards them.

"He-ee-ey, what do we have here?" He said. He then went in a circle around Izzy, making her a bit uncomfortable.

"Wow, this is incredible. Hey, hey has anybo- has anybody ever told you, you have a sweet ass? Hahahaha." Peter questioned.

"N-n-no." Izzy responded with a hint of fear in her voice.

"Well you do! Oh god that is huge. No, no, no seriously, that is a huge ass! Am-am I right? Huge ass! B-boy, so-so why do you still look like a virgin?"

Izzy was quickly becoming mortified and scared at the same time.

"Um... J-Jake?" She said fearfully.

Brian the. hit him with a baseball bat, knocking him out for a few seconds. He then woke up. "Oh, hey Brian."

"Look, let's just find a way out of this place and hopefully find everyone else. I'm pretty sure they're doing alright." Brian said.

"Yeah. Hey, wait a minute. I've seen them before!" Peter exclaimed.

"Really, where?" Brian asked.

(Cutaway Begins)

_Peter was watching Disney Junior for some weird reason. There was a reason for this. He knew about forty wall breaking shows and decided to do something with it._

_"Hey Lois, come here for a second, I want you to see something." He said as Lois came in was surprised at hat Peter as watching._

_"Peter, why are you watching Disney Junior?"_

_"You'll see." Right now, the show that was on was Jake and the Never Land Pirates and it was the beginning of an episode. Then, the Jake in the TV spoke while looking through the screen._

_"Mateys, will you help us get Peter Pan's shadow back?" He said. Peter then gave Jake the middle finger to Jake and said, "No, go fuck yourself."_

_"Great!" Jake in the TV said. Peter laughed, then changed the channel quickly. "Peter, really?"_

_"Yes, and I can do it to many other shows if I please."_

(Cutaway Ends)

"Um, don't tell them I did that." Peter said. "Anyway, let's find Lois and the others. I'm pretty sure they're getting by with no problems."

Not really as right now, Carter, Lois and her other two children were caught in Captain Hook's ship.

"What in blunder do you think you are doing aboard me ship?" He demanded.

"Your ship? Huh, for a second I thought this was one of those tour boats you see in Florida." Carter said.

"Look, get off the Jolly Roger and go back to where he came from!"

"Look sir, we're very sorry, we're just trying to find a way out of this place. I figured since your one of the people who knows this place best, do you know a way out of here?" Lois asked.

"Listen, lady. I have no intention of helping anyone out, so off me ship!" Hook said pushing Lois two feet away. Carter saw that and got mad.

"HEY! You can do that to my granddaughter, but not my daughter! Now apologize!" Carter yelled walking up to Hook.

"I think not. Mr. Smee! Sharky!" Two fat people walked out of Hook's cabin.

"Yes, Cap'n?" They said. "Grab these fools and throw them overboard." Hook ordered. "Aye, eye!" They said chasing after the four.

But they were too stupid as Carter punched both of them in the nuts and the gut, causing them to fall over in pain. Hook was not pleased as he decided to take matters into his own hands.

"Alright then, we'll fight hand to hand then!" He motioned to Carter, but then the rich man pulled out a pistol and aimed it at Hook, as he screamed in fear.

"Yeah?! Don't wanna die, huh? I suggest you give us this ship and take you and your fatasses out of here!" Carter shouted.

"Y-y-yes, o-of course s-sir." Hook said in fear dragging Sharky and Mr. Smee onto a small boat and rowed away.

"Daddy, did you really have to do that?" Lois said.

"Yes, now let's find some treasure! From this moment on, you will all be my pirate slaves!" Carter ordered.

"Daddy, that's now how pirates worked."

"What did you say to me?"

"Nothing." Lois was pretty annoyed by this.

"Exactly, now our first mission is to raid that island for any treasure. Then once we get back home, I'll sell the treasure." Carter said pointing towards Pirate Island.

**V: Hey guys. So sorry this took so long to update. I hope most of you didn't mind the wait. So anyway, yeah. Plenty of stuff happened, so I hope you guys can ask for something as I'm starting to run out of ideas. So see y'all later!**


	6. Peter's Accident

**B: Hey guys. For today,**** I'm going to get you guys really ramped up on this story. I hope some of you laughed last chapter. I mean, I did. That middle finger thing really got me. Also, I'm actually thinking about bringing the giant chicken Ernie into this. If you want him, you gotta tell me soon. Anyway, enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Family Guy belongs to Seth McFarlane and Captain Jake and the Never Land Pirates belongs to Disney Junior.**

Chapter 6: Peter's Accident

Carter, Lois, Meg, Chris...

The four were sailing towards Pirate Island on the Jolly Roger which Carter managed to successfully steal. At this time, Jake and his crew were back at the hideout and Peter, Quagmire, Stewie and Brian were in another room just talking about anything. Jake and his crew were taking a nap in their bedroom.

"Alright, I'm going to get something to eat." Peter said as he went to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and was shocked.

"No beer?! What do kids drink these days?! There's not even any soda in here! Well, I guess I made mistakes with drinks before."

(Cutaway Begins)

_Lois opened the fridge to see what looked like at least thirty bottles of milk. "Peter, why are there so many bottles of milk in the refrigerator?" She asked._

_Peter then spoke to Brian and Stewie. "Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me. Everyone, some of the milk in the fridge is not milk. It's horse sperm. I'm a horse breeder now."_

(Cutaway Ends)

Peter then opened the freezer. He then took out some ice cream they had. "Well at least they have something good. I could go and find a bird and fry it."

"Who are you?" A voice said. Peter turned around to see Skully. "Wait... did you just speak?" Peter said. "Well, yeah." Skully replied.

"Huh. You actually might be a better companion than my old falcon, Xerxes. Although..."

(Flash Forward Begins)

_Peter brought dinner to Jake, Izzy and Cubby. It was hidden in a lid. _

_"Okay guys, you are going to find this really funny. So, this dinner was something I had just thought of today. I found this and then cooked it. You're gonna love it." Peter put the lid down and uncovered it and it showed Skully, cooked and burnt to a crisp. _

_"AAAAHHHHH!" The trio screamed in horror. "What? It's just fried chicken. Oh, wait. It's actually a fried talking bird with an eye patch."_

(Flash Forward Ends)

"So, what are you, like the most stupidest parrot on the planet? Because you're not repeating my every word."

"Well actually-" "Yeah, you're a stupid parrot. The only other talking animal that I would enjoy is Brian and that giant chicken's wife. God, she looks-"

"You'll never believe what I just saw now." Brian said walking in. "What is it?"

"Apparently, I took a spyglass and saw Carter, Chris, Lois and Meg coming into the island. Carter said something about slaves and stealing treasure from the island."

"Crackers! I gotta warn Jake!" Skully exclaimed trying to fly away, but Peter grabbed him and covered his mouth.

"Oh no, you don't. I think I know what to do." Peter said.

* * *

15 minutes later...

The ship was gone, Carter, and everyone else was gone, including Peter, Quagmire, Brian and Stewie. Jake went to the kitchen to get a drink and found a note on the kitchen counter. It said...

We'll be back for thanksgiving.

-Peter Griffin

Jake was confused a little bit but got the message. He went to tell his crew that they would be back for the upcoming holiday. He expected him to bring some family members, so he made sure to get some more things ready.

Meanwhile, Peter, Brian, Quagmire, Joe and Cleveland were still walking around. Apparently, Peter placed Stewie on the island and Peter took their ship Bucky. Lois found Stewie just chilling on the island and took him with her. Once Peter got to Never Land with Quagmire and Brian, they saw the ship leave on it's own. They decided to ignore it right now.

"Hey guys, when we're with the kids, let's try to think of the best rant possible so we can make them sick." Peter said.

"Wait, were going to be with them for Thanksgiving?" Quagmire questioned. "Yeah, and also, I heard them saying something about four more people coming and they were all kids, so hopefully they're well behaved, or Ill have to spank him."

"Why hello there." A voice said. The five looked in front of them and saw a women with a red hat, with a red feather on it, orange hair, a yellow and dark red vest, two earrings, red pants and dark red boots, and she was riding on a tiger.

"And who might you be?" Cleveland asked.

"You can call me Red Jessica." The woman replied.

"Is it okay if we just call your Jessica? Like, what's with the red?" Quagmire asked. "And where did you get that tiger?"

"Why, I'll show you. Follow me." Red Jessica asked. And that just what they did as three minutes later, they were onboard her ship.

"Wow, so even the ship is red." Cleveland said. "I haven't seen anything this red since I tried to get out of that boring meeting." Peter said.

(Cutaway Begins)

_Peter and some other guys were listening to someone who was speaking during a meeting._

_"Third quarter injections indicate our sales will be down fourty percent." The man said changing the chart._

_It was at that time Peter started to grab a pair of scissors._

_"Why don't we go through the profit law statement line by line from the past six quarters-"_

_Peter then picked up the scissors._

_"-which will offer us a good cost analysis comparison-"_

_Peter opened the scissors in his nose as blood started to drip from them as he started to groan._

_"-that I think we'll be able to utilize-"_

_Peter opened the scissors to be wider as more blood came out._

_"-as we move forward-" _

_Peter opened the scissors all the way as massive amounts of blood came out, causing it to be all over his shirt and some parts of the desk as he groaned again._

_"Hey guys, I gotta leave." Peter said, pitting the scissors down and standing up. Everyone looked at him wide eyed._

_"I got a nosebleed, and uh, I don't work here." He then walked away as if nothing happened._

(Cutaway Ends)

Meanwhile...

Jake and the others were just talking about what to do during Thanksgiving.

"So he said they'll be back tomorrow. So do you think we should do a lot more?" Jake asked.

"I guess so. I mean, they aren't the only guests coming." Izzy pointed out.

"What are you talking abou... oh yeah. Peter Pan, Wendy and her brothers are coming also."

"Wait, I just realized something. Peter Pan, Peter Griffin. They have the same first name!" Cubby exclaimed.

"Oh yeah. I never noticed that. So should we do this in that large spare room we have?" Jake asked.

"Yeah, who knows how many of us are going to be here!" Skully squawked.

Meanwhile...

Peter, Brian, Quagmire, Joe and Cleveland were getting off of Red Jessica's ship and stepping onto the island.

"Welcome to my humble home, Crimson Island!" She introduced.

"Yeah, that much was obvious considering how there is so much red here." Cleveland said.

"So what, like red is your favorite color or something?" Joe asked.

"I guess you can say that. Well, I'd better be going. You can explore the island if you'd like or have some fun with my cat. Just try not to be too rough with her. Ta-ta!" Jessica shouted as she boarded her ship with her tiger and left.

"Wait, she has a cat?" Cleveland said.

"Yep, looks like it. She said she was one and people from here rarely ever lie." Quagmire responded.

"You know, the cat's alone at her house. You know what we should do? We should go over there and shave it." Joe suggested.

"That's a great idea, let's do it! Let's shave the cat!" Peter agreed. "Boy, I haven't felt this exciting since the time we were shouting 'we're not from here' in San Francisco."

(Cutaway Begins)

_Peter, Joe, Quagmire and Cleveland were in San Francisco riding some sort of bike which they can all be on while chanting..._

_"WE'RE NOT FROM HERE! WE'RE NOT FROM HERE! WE'RE NOT FROM HERE!" They all chanted in unison._

(Cutaway Ends)

The five were now entering the large bedroom.

"Alright, the cat's gotta be in here." Joe said.

"Hey, let's take a man sized poop in it's cat box so she thinks there's something really wrong with it." Peter said.

"There it is!" Brian informed pointing at the dog. He ran towards it and picked it up.

"Rock and roll!" Joe exclaimed happily.

"Yeah, shaving time! Alright, hand me the razor." Peter said. Brian handed him the cat and a razor. They all got between him a few feet apart.

Peter opened the razor, held the cat down and scratched it across it's back, but...

"RAAAOOWW!" Blood came out and got on Peter as the cat screamed.

"Oh my god!" Cleveland exclaimed.

"Peter, you killed it!" Brian exclaimed as well.

"Will you guys relax, she's got eight more lives." Peter said annoyed. He literally thought cats had nine lives as he scraped the razor across it's back again, causing more blood to seep out onto Peter.

"Okay, seven more lives."

Peter repeated the same procedure again...

"Six."

and again...

"Five."

and again...

"Four."

and again...

"Three."

"Peter, stop doing what you're doing." Joe said calmly.

"What do we do?" Cleveland exclaimed worried.

"Alright, alright, I have an idea." Brain started. "How about, we hide the cat's body, and leave that window open, and that way it'll seem like the cat ran away."

"Well never get away with that." Joe said.

"Oh we just might. You see..." Peter pulled out the cat's leg. "I've got a lucky cat's foot."

Also during this moment, Jake and his crew were setting up everything for the party. They had twenty seats ready just in case and in the middle was going to be a big table.

They had just finished with setting the chairs up.

"Well then, I guess we'd better start finding some food for the feast. Mateys, do you think you can find some fruit for us?" Jake asked Izzy and Cubby.

"Aye eye, Jake!" They said before running out of the hideout.

"This is great. We're going to meet so many new people. Nothing can possibly go wrong for this party." But what Jake didn't know was that a certain someone would ruin everything.

Fifteen minutes later, they got a small wooden boat and towed away.

"You think she's gonna find out about this?" Quagmire said.

"No way, we cleaned up all the blood, left a window open and disposed of the body properly." Cleveland said

(Cutaway Begins)

_Peter shot a pistol at the cat multiple times at every spot before throwing it far away into the sea._

(Cutaway Ends)

"So, now what? Do we just look for everyone and wait until tomorrow?" Brian said.

"I guess so. You said all of us are coming right? Did you tell them how many of us are there?" Joe questioned.

"Uhh, no. Not really, but I think they've got that covered. Also, we should probably find a turkey somewhere. Don't wanna come in empty handed, now do we?" Peter said.

"Yeah, guess so." Cleveland agreed.

"Also, I tried to sexually assault a little pirate girl while I was drunk." Peter confessed.

"Well, you were drunk, so you really couldn't control yourself." Joe said. "Plus, as far as I'm concerned there aren't any police here, so I think we're good."

"Wait a second. Why haven't we never called them? Peter, you could've just called Lois to find out where they were in the first place!" Quagmire realized.

"Got no service here. No one does because the dumbasses that live here never bothered to make phone lines or anything like that." Peter said.

As for Carter, Meg, Lois, Chris and Stewie, they were still sailin mg on the Jolly Roger and Carter was actin like crazy. This is proof.

"Captain Carter, all the treasure has been stored in your cabin and will be ready to take when we leave." Chris said.

"Excellent work, now swab the damn deck, ya swab!" Carter ordered.

Chris groaned as he walked away.

"Daddy, do you really have to be such a douche and go so hard on them? You're even making Stewie do work." Lois talks him.

Stewie was in fact, working as he was rolling cannonballs and putting them inside cannons.

"Just lay off the whole pirate thing. You're just as stubborn as Peter was when he got that falcon of his."

(Cutaway Begins)

_Peter has a falcon on his arm as Lois asked him to eat dinner with her and the family._

_"No." He replied. "I am a falconer and I will eat whatever Xerxes brings me." He then put his hand towards the kitchen._

_"Feed master." Xerxes then flew into the kitchen as Peter sat down smiling with his arms crossed. Xerxes came back with some food as he was carrying some inside of a lid. He flew with the lid on his claws, put it in front of him and stood by it._

_"Peter, what the hell?" Lois said. The falcon removed the lid, showing some turkey. He put some spice on it as it flared up. A second later, it was fully cooked._

_"For Xerxes, every meal is a pageant." Peter said._

(Cutaway Ends)

"You know, now that I think about it, being a pirate isn't all that bad. I mean, I get to shoot these things at the fat man if I see him pass by." Stewie said.

"Hey Stewie, can I get one of those balls?" Chris asked. Stewie handed one to him as he carried over to Meg, who was just staring off. He landed it on her foot as she creamed.

"OWWW! What the hell is the matter with you?!" Meg screamed.

"Haha, now you can't move!" Chris said running away, laughing.

Stewie was also laughing secretly. Carter saw this and took notice. He smiled.

_That's my boy. That's how to be a grown man._ He thought.

**V: End of chapter. This chapter has a huge reference to one of the episodes in Family Guy. Try to guess what it is.**

**B: Well give you a hint. It's in Season 8. That's all we're giving you.**

**W: And also, who do you think is the one that's going to ruin the feast? Peter Griffin, Lois, Meg, Chris, Brian, Stewie, Carter, Joe, Cleveland, Quagmire, Wendy, John, Michael or Peter Pan? So many different options to choose from. To give you more of a chance, you can shoes two answers. **

**V: See y'all later and be sure to subscribe to our channels. Mine is most famous. VanossGaming.**

**W: Yeah, we know. You don't have to rub it in our faces.**


	7. Preperations

**V: Welcome back everybody. Now, I've been waiting for some answers, but whether you replied or not, the episode is '420'. Yeah, that's literally it's name. '420'. And yes, we changed the name of the story. 'New Discovery' was actually a suckish name and didn't have a good ring to it, not gonna lie.**

**N: About time, man!**

**V: ...**

**N: What?**

***shotgun***

**V: Keep coming from everywhere, I swear.**

**Disclaimer: You already know what it is, so I'm not repeating it.**

Chapter 7: Preparations

"Well, now what do we do? We basically have to stay outside here for a whole day. We might as well make the most of it." Cleveland said.

"Peter, you sure those kids are actually telling the truth? I mean, they did seem pretty serious about this." Quagmire questioned.

"Yeah. They seem like the type to make people happy, unlike me when I was a doctor."

(Cutaway Begins)

_Peter was walking into a hospital room with a smiling couple and told them the news of their unborn baby._

_"Welp, I got the test results of your ultrasound back, and I've got some news for you.__"_

_"No, wait! We don't wanna know if it's a boy or a girl." The wife said. Peter then chuckled._

_"Haha, okay. Well, it's not breathing." The couple's smiles turned upside down._

(Cutaway Ends)

Meanwhile, Cubby was with Skully getting some fruits for the feast the next day. But he had something on his mind.

"What do you think Peter was doing to Izzy earlier today?" Cubby asked the bird.

"I don't know, and I don't think I wanna." Skully replied.

"And then they walk into some sort of bar and-" A voice said. It was Lois. She, Meg, Chris, Stewie and Carter we're walking by.

"You really think that's all of 'em?" Cubby asked.

"Crackers, not so sure." The bird replied. "But we've got twenty chairs, so I think we're good to go."

Lois and the other four were still walking by when they bumped into someone.

"Ow! Damn it." She said as he opened her eyes and saw Peter and the others.

"PETER!" She yelled hugging him immediately. Peter was confused.

"Woah, woah, woah, what's with all the lovey dovey going on? You act like I haven't seen you in ages!" Peter said.

"Well, now we're back together, let's find a way out of here." Brian said.

"But what about that party those kids were going to have?" Quagmire questioned.

"Wait, you're not actually serious about going there, right?"

"Of course. I mean, who knows? I might get to see another girl." Quagmire replies as he licked his lips.

"See, this is why no one wants to marry you, Glenn." Lois said.

"Well yeah, I'm still surprised that you even married this retard."

Peter was offended. "HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A RETARD!" He shouted as he grabbed Quagmire's neck.

"Because you are one. Remember years ago, you found out you were retarded?" Quagmire reminded.

"Oh yeah." Peter said. He then let go of Quagmire.

"Peter, just go hit your head with a coconut so you can forget about this?" Joe suggested.

"Good idea." Peter went to a coconut tree, shook it and a coconut fell on his head, causing his head to become a half circle with some blood on the top, but it didn't help him forget anything.

"AAAAHH! I REMEMBER EVEYTHING! I WAS ABUSED BY MY DAD!"

Right now, Izzy was also helping out for the party by finding some fresh vegetables from a garden. She then saw some really fresh carrots.

"Jake's definitely going to love this." She said as she tired to pull the carrots from the soil. But, it didn't budge.

"Yay... hey... no way." She panted as he kept trying to pull the carrots out with all her strength. She kept trying for twenty seconds until she stopped and panted hard.

She then had an idea as she looked at her pixie dust pouch. She started to put her hands through it, but stopped.

_No, Izzy. You're strong, clever and smart. You can figure out a way to do this._ She thought. She looked around and saw a shovel. She was thinking of an idea, but didn't want to as she thought it would ruin the garden. She took a deep breath and picked up the shovel.

_I hope no one gets mad at me for this._ She then started to shovel up the soil around the carrot. It took a while, but she finally got it out.

"Yay hey, yes way." She said, but wasn't that pleased with herself. She got the shovel back and started to put the dig up soil back into the hole, covering it up. She then went to the other fruits and vegetables and they were much easier to pull.

An hour later, it was dusk and Izzy had gotten every single fruit and vegetable pulled out. "I hope no one gets mad at me for this." She then tried to think of another way to get the fruits and vegetables back home without the use of pixie dust, but then, she had another thought as she realized she was going to have to explain this sooner or later to whoever owned the plants, but she saw some bags of seeds in them and she smiled.

"Maybe, if I plant the seeds, it'll be like nothing ever happened." She walked over to the bags, opened them up, and started to plant the seeds, one by one. It was a very long process, but it was worth it. By the time she finished, it was nighttime and that was not a good thing for her. She now had to get all of these fruits and vegetables back to the hideout.

Izzy was in a huge predicament now. She had to get back to the hideout so Jake and Cubby wouldn't think something was wrong and she had to get all the fruits and vegetables back before someone else could possibly take them.

She really had the urge to use her pixie dust, but she knew it was only for emergencies, so she had to be smart.

"There you are, Iz!" A voice said. Izzy turned around to see Jake running towards her.

"Oh, hi Jake." Izzy replied in a less enthusiastic tone.

"Where... were... you?" Jake was panting and was tired from all of that running he had done.

"Well, I got all of the fruits and vegetables, and planted them back and now I need to figure out a way to get them back to the hideout."

"I see. Don't worry, Izzy. We'll find a way!"

"Oh, sure we will. We'll never be able to find a way." She said sarcastically.

"Oh, don't think like that Izzy. Never say 'never' to a Never Land pirate! I thought you knew that already." Jake taunted. Izzy then decided to figure out a way as she checked her entire surroundings and saw a small shed.

"Jake, maybe there's something in that shed that we can use to move all of these." Izzy said walking towards the shed.

She opened it and saw what looked like the answer to her problem. There were two wheelbarrows just laying there. Izzy looked back at the food and back at the wheelbarrows and back and forth and back and forth.

She then smiled.

"Hey Jake. Wanna take half and I take half?" Jake was confused. He walked over to her and saw that there were two wheelbarrows and smirked.

"Oh, I see. Alright then. You got it." They both took a wheelbarrow and started piling up the fruits and vegetables onto them. Then, with all of their strength they had in them, they lifted them up and started to push. It was hard, but they managed for the time being.

Half an hour later, the two were very tired as they put down the wheelbarrows and panted hard.

"Hey, maybe... we should... take a... break." Jake suggested.

"Good... idea." Izzy replied. They both collapsed to the floor. But unwillingly, they actually fell asleep. A minute later, Peter Griffin and his four friends Brian, Joe, Quagmire and Cleveland walked by.

"Hey, Peter, are these supposed to be the kids?" Cleveland asked.

"Uh, yep." Peter replied.

"Looks like they fell asleep trying to push these wheelbarrows full of fruit. Think we should help them?" Quagmire questioned.

They all looked at each other before answering in unison.

"Nah." They all walked away. "They can probably handle it themselves in the morning. Let's get back to Lois and the others." Joe said. And that's just what they did.

"Well, they certainly had everything planned, like a pack of seagulls at the docks." Peter said.

(Cutaway Begins)

_There was one seagull standing on one of the polls and there were ten other seagulls standing on the regular walkway. The one seagull on the poll started talking._

_"Alright, the fishing boats will be in soon. We'll fly behind them and scream like hell, and whatever they throw overboard, we get to eat." _

_All the seagulls squawked in agreement of the plan, but then one of them spoke up. They stopped squawking._

_"Umm, you think, maybe we should just get our own food? You know, we have beaks, we can swim, instead of scrounging off of others, maybe-" He was suddenly interrupted by the leader._

_"Can I, can I, can I see you for a minute?" He asked._

_They were now in some sort of office and the leader was sitting behind a desk and the other was in a chair facing him._

_"What was that? What was that? Y-you wanna be a hawk? Is that what you want, because you're not!" He yelled._

_"Alright, you see any clenching talons down there? No! We have webbed feet! What, what are you gonna do? Paddle your food to death? You gonna find a little field mouse and paddle him to death with your webbed feet?"_

_The other seagull finally responded. "No. Look, I just thought-"_

_"You thought? You thought?! How's that working out for ya?!"_

_"Not very well."_

_"Not very well." He repeated. "I do not wanna have this discussion again." _

(Cutaway Ends)

Cubby and Skully were walking around Never Land to look for their two crew mates out in the night.

"Aww, coconuts. I sure hope Jake and Izzy are okay." Cubby said worried.

"Don't worry, matey. They've gotta be around her somewhere." Skully replied. Indeed they did. They saw two wheelbarrows full of fruits and vegetables. They were confused as to why they were just laying there. So Cubby walked up to the wheelbarrows and saw Jake and Izzy sleeping behind them, peacefully.

Cubby smiled. "You know what? I think they're good being here. I might not be much help pushing these, so let's go back."

"Crackers, this is unlike you. You don't wanna help them?" Skully said surprised.

"Skully, take a good look at me. Do you really think I'd be able to push those?" He said pointing at the wheelbarrows.

"No." Skully admitted.

"Don't worry. We'll handle the rest tomorrow." And the two walked back home.

Later...

It was now dawn and Jake and Izzy has just started pushing the wheelbarrows again. Even though they were still pretty tired, they had to get the job done.

"I'm soo tired." Izzy said sleepily.

"Me too, Iz. Don't worry. Once we get these back to Pirate Island, we can sleep as much as you want. The feast doesn't start until dusk, remember?" Jake reminded.

"Oh yeah, but what about the other things we need to prepare for?"

Jake was now worried, but he stayed positive. "Don't worry, I think we have just about most of the things done by now. We shouldn't have any sort of problem."

"But what about the turkey? We don't have one yet." Izzy retorted.

Jake had just realized that.

"Shiver me timbers, I completely forgot. I guess... all we can do is once we bring these back to Pirate Island, I'll go and find a turkey. But I don't think I have the guts to kill." Jake admitted.

"Me neither. So let's ask the others that are coming here." Izzy suggested.

"What, you mean like Brian?"

"Yeah. I mean, he's pretty strong and wouldn't care. Remember, the first time we saw him, he was fighting a baby."

Jake chuckled. "The baby actually did manage to put up quite a fight. I'm also surprised that it can talk, and he even told me back at home, he created a time machine."

"Honestly, I really didn't believe a word he said. But when he gave me those baby eyes, they were just irresistible. I couldn't help it. But still, I just don't appreciate the way he talks and how he's just so sassy."

"Oh, we're here." They arrived at Shipwreck Beach.

Jake walked closer to the water, and whistled very loudly.

He then saw Bucky come out of this grotto as Pirate Island as it was now headed for them.

"We're almost done, Izzy. Don't worry." They waited patiently and Bucky finally arrived thirty seconds later as their trusted ship put down the blue walkway. Jake and Izzy once again grabbed the wheelbarrows and pushed them on to the ship. As they finally got on, Bucky retracted the blue walkway and sailed towards Pirate Island. This process only took a minute.

Bucky let them off at the grove walkway as they pushed the wheelbarrows back down. They were incredibly tired, but they had to keep going.

"Hey, Izzy." Jake said.

"Yeah?"

"I'm really proud of you."

Izzy was confused. "For what?"

"You decided not to take the easy way out. You refrained from using your pixie dust. You really are a strong matey."

Izzy blushes and Jake giggled. But then, the young lady collapsed.

"Izzy! Are you alright?" Jake asked worried. "No, I'm just so tired, I don't even have the strength to stand up." Jake knew the girl had been pushing herself too hard, so he decided to carry her up to the hideout, leaving the wheelbarrow behind for now.

Even though Jake was tired as well, he stayed strong, for Izzy.

He had finally reached the bedroom minutes later, and placed Izzy on her bed. She managed to fall asleep while Jake was carrying her. He planted a soft kiss on her cheek, before leaving to get the fruits and vegetables out of the wheelbarrows.

"Happy Thanksgiving, Izzy."

**V: Chapter 7 is now over. I'll admit, most of this chapter was like Disney, with you know, how the characters were acting and stuff like that.**

**W: GET TO THE OUTRO ALREADY!**

**B: WE DON'T WANNA LISTEN TO YOU TALKING ALL DAMN DAY!**

**V: Fine, damn it. Be sure to reply and I'll see you later.**

**W: WAIT!**

**V: Now what?**

**W: More Fortnite Prop Hunt? Please?**


	8. The Problem With Soap

**V: Hey guys. We're back with another chapter of Pirate Guy. That's right. 'Pirate Guy' will now be the official name of this story. This is it's permanent name now.**

**Sorry about all of this chaos and confusion. I sincerely apologize.**

**B: Oh, and in the next chapter after this one, or the one after, there will be plenty of rants. Some might be funny, but there will definitely be one that will make you all laugh. Anyway, enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Family Guy belongs to Seth McFarlane and Captain Jake and the Never Land Pirates belongs to Disney Junior.**

Chapter 8: The Problem With Soap

It was noon. Jake was now done with everything he had to do. He cut up all of the fruits and vegetables, fixed them up, took the wheelbarrows back to where they belonged, and headed back to sleep.

Cubby had apparently woken up at nine and wasn't surprised that his two friends were still asleep. After all, they worked their butts of last night. Cubby had decided to go take a nice bath, to keep him awake.

He headed downstairs to fix some breakfast for himself, and he saw everything Jake had done. The only thing that was missing was a turkey, but they would deal with that later.

It was noon and Cubby and Skully were the only ones awake. The boy decided to do a wake up prank on them.

He got something from a drawer, and shook it. It was an air horn.

He went to Jake and honked it.

HONK!

Jake woke up with a jump and hit his head on the bottom of the Cubby's bed.

"OW!"

"Cubby?" Izzy asked waking up. "Was that really necessary?"

"Heh... sorry." He chuckled awkwardly.

"Cubby... there are other ways, you know?"

"Look, let's just get our late breakfast. What did you make anyway?" Izzy asked.

"Well, I made some pancakes and set up orange juice. That's all."

"Then, let's eat." Jake said heading downstairs.

Cubby was dumbfounded. "Wait... you're not the least bit mad at me?"

"Umm, no. Why would I be?" Jake asked in confusion. "Today's Thanksgiving. I'm not fighting today. Plus, we've got plenty of new people to see this evening."

"Oh yeah. But lets try to make a good impression for ourselves, okay?" Cubby asked.

"Sure, why not? After all, were going to need to. We dont want to make ourselves look bad, now do we?"

"Yeah, you're definitely right about that." Izzy replied. Then suddenly, they heard a loud bang. It was coming from the hideout entrance. They went down and opened it to see Peter Griffin. They looked behind him to see a small wooden paddle boat on the shore.

"Oh, ahoy, Peter. Is there any way we can we help you sir?" Jake asked.

"Yes. Um, do you mind if I use your bathroom to take a shower? I havent had one in weeks." Peter said.

"Wait, weeks?!" Izzy asked dumbfounded. "But, you dont have a stench on you or anything like that." Cubby stated.

"I know. I just want to have one since my dog Brian said I smelled like an old man. So lead me the way to your lavatory, if you please." Jake and his crew were confused.

"Lavatory?" They all asked in unison.

"It means bathroom, but smart people say it, now please show me where it is so I can also take a massive dump and clog your toilet before I take a bath."

"Umm, sure." Jake said awkwardly, as he was a little bit stunned . "Crew, you can go have breakfast, I'll take him." Jake said as he lead Peter to the bathroom.

"Is this it?" He asked to be sure. "Yep."

"Alright. But before I go, I honestly have no idea how long I'm going to be in there, so I'll take to you little one's later." Peter then entered and locked the door behind him. He took off all of his clothes and went inside the shower.

He turned on the water for the bathtub, put the cork in so the water wouldn't go down the drain. He then layed down, on his back as he sighed.

"Ahh, man. I haven't felt this happy since I had sex with Lois through our entire bedroom."

(Cutaway Begins)

_Peter and Lois were in their bedroom having sex while standing up and walking around._

_They were basically just hugging each other, and kissing. They were moaning and groaning a lot. Then, they fell down, still moaning, then Peter said something crazy._

_"Aww, Yeah. I'm gonna do you right where the porn lunch was." Peter said._

_"What?" Lois questioned, thinking she misheard, but she didn't._

_"I said, I'm gonna do you right where the porn lunch was. God, I'd wish you'd listen." Peter complained, but he made a big mistake saying that._

(Cutaway Ends)

Jake and his crew were now eating their pancakes and drinking their orange juice while Skully was enjoying some crackers.

"Hey Jake, did you manage to do everything yet?" Izzy asked.

"Oh yeah, don't worry Izzy, this will be the best Thanksgiving party ever. We've got Wendy, John, Michael, Peter Pan, Peter Griffin and his family and friends."

"Hey, Jake? I know this seems a bit off topic but, how come you're not wearing your usual captain clothing?" Cubby curiously asked.

"Oh, well, they got dirty the day before we met them, which is pretty strange, but don't worry about. They'll be clean and ready to be worn in two days, don't worry. They just need some time to dry off. Now then, the Thanksgiving party, everything is set up, right?"

Three little nods. "Okay, the only thing we're missing is a turkey, but I'm pretty sure that they'll probably handle

but little did they know that they would be disturbed by some certain words.

Peter was putting soap all over his body while the shower was watering him. Yes, he was spinning around, letting the water go over him, while he was putting soap on him. Then, it slipped out of his hand.

"Woops, little slippery there, aren't we?" He said as he tried to pick it up and prevailed, only for it to slip out of his hand again, landing outside of the tub.

"Oh, son of a bitch." He said angrily as he knelt down on one leg and put his hand out of the tub, and grabbed the soap bar again. He put it under his armpits, but once again, it slipped out, but he caught it again, and the same thing kept happening. He would grab it and it would slip out of his hand and he would grab it before it touched the floor and it would slip out of his hand again.

"Gah… come on!" He complained as it kept slipping, but then, it bounced.

It hit both of his eyes. He held his eyes as he screamed in pain. In fact, he was so loud, that he was heard throughout the entire hideout.

**"OWWW! OWWW! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! GOD, DAMN IT!" **He screamed. The kids were in shock of hearing those words. Whoever knew that someone's mouth could be so dirty. But still, they tried to keep their composure, but it was incredibly difficult as Peter continued.

**"OWWW! GOD DAMN IT! WHO THE HELL WOULD MAKE SOAP THIS SLIPPERY! WHO'S THE FUCKING RETARD THAT MADE THIS BRAND OF SOAP!? I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD, TOMORROW, I AM GOING TO THE COMPANY TO KICK THIS GUY'S ASS! OWW, IT FUCKING HURTS, DAMN IT!"**

Jake and his crew were more than shocked, more than baffled either. They covered their ears, so they wouldn't hear it, but Peter was just too loud.

**"SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! IT STINGS! IT FUCKING STINGS! HOW ARE YOU KIDS NOT HEARING THIS RIGHT NOW!? AREN'T YOU GOING TO COME UP AND FUCKING HELP ME, FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST!? OWW! FUCKING COCK! FUCKING, GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!"**

"Oh, man. We should probably help him if we don't want to hear those words, crew." Jake said as he grabbed his captain's sword and ran up to the bathroom. He knew the door was locked, so he was going to have to break it open, but when he reached it, Peter managed to open the door with one hand, and the other covering his eyes.

He even left the water running, still.

"Okay, okay, sir, please calm down!" Jake asked frantically.

**"HOW THE HELL CAN I CALM DOWN IF I HAVE SOAP IN MY EYES!?" **Peter yelled in pain and in anger.

"Sir, I know this will be hard, but please open your eyes." Peter did just that as he revealed his eyes and they were completely pink.

"Okay, now just go to the sink, and-" Jake said as he took Peter's hand and led him to the sink, but Peter interrupted, harshly.

**"WHY THE FUCK DO I NEED WATER TO BURN MY EYES EVEN MORE, KID!?"**

"Peter, please just trust me." Jake said he turned on the sink, sat Peter down, and started to rub some lukewarm water on his eyes, and his face.

He did the same thing for ten minutes and Peter just screamed. He didn't say anything. He just screamed, but as time passed, his screams got softer and quieter until when the ten minutes was up, he wasn't screaming at all. His eyes were healed, but he still had some red veins in them.

"There you go. If I'm right, you're eyes will heal up within the hour. But, next time you're hurt, please don't yell those types of words." Jake asked politely.

"Yeah, sure. Sorry about that. It seems like everything always go wrong and gets exhausting, even something as simple as going to the bank."

(Cutaway Begins)

_Peter and Meg were walking to the banker while Peter was talking to his daughter._

_"Meg, you've probably wondered from time to time, how on Earth I pay for all of my shenanigans. Well, I'm gonna show you."_

_Peter then pulled out a gun._

_"THIS IS A ROBBERY! EVERYBODY GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!" He shouted. Everyone got on the ground._

_"IF THIS BITCH MOVES, SHOOT HIM IN THE EYE!" Peter ordered Meg as he gave her a gun._

_"Dad, I don't wanna do this!" Meg pleaded._

_"YOU HAVE TO! NEXT WEEK, WE'RE BUYING A ZEBRA!" Peter then broke the glass with his gun._

_"Dad!"_

_"There's no time to argue! We've got a hundred and fifty seconds before the police respond to the silent alarm! Now check those bags for dye packs!" Peter shouted loudly, giving Meg a handful of money. Meg was silently crying._

_"WHO'S THE MANAGER HERE!?" Peter asked loudly._

_"I-I am..." The man with the glasses, blond hair and tuxedo said, but then Meg shot him multiple times in the head, killing him with blood leaking out of his head._

_Meg was now crying again._

_"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Peter yelled, louder than before._

_"YOU SAID IF HE MOVES, SHOOT HIM!"_

_"He's the only one with the combination to the safe! It's blown! It's blown! This whole operation is blown! I'll get the car, you kill everyone else!"_

(Cutaway Ends)

Izzy and Cubby were waiting for Peter to come back downstairs as he was done with the place until the party.

"I don't think I'm ever going to get that out of my head." Izzy said.

"Yeah... that's going to haunt me in my nightmares." Cubby said, shaking in his boots.

"Well, hopefully, that won't happen during the big party we're having tonight." Izzy hoped. Peter came walking out with Jake.

Peter just remained silent. Only said one word as he passed by them to head to his boat.

"Sorry."

He got on his wooden boat, and sailed away, rowing.

Lois was waiting for him at Shipwreck Beach. She was getting awfully impatient. Then again, this was Peter, so obviously he'd screw something up.

She then saw him in the distance, coming to shore.

A minute later, the boat got on to the sand.

"Peter, there you are. Where the hell have you been? I've been worried sick." Lois said calmly.

"Sorry, I had to take a shower. Brian told me to just find someone with a house or anything and ask if he could use their bathroom."

"Did you clog their toilet?"

"No."

"Good, now let's get moving. Daddy's getting the ship he stole ready for tonight."

"Alright." And they walked back to where everyone was staying.

Three hours later...

It was now near dusk as the sky was partly red.

Peter Griffin and the others were getting ready. Well actually, they had nothing, so they just walked to the ship where Carter was.

"Okay. You all remember the plan." Peter said to Quagmire, Joe and Cleveland. "We walk up wearing our Bill Cosby masks-" Peter said pulling out a Barack Obama mask, but Cleveland interrupted.

"Peter, that's President Obama." Cleveland corrected. Peter looked carefully and Cleveland was right.

"Oh, did I just do a racism?"

They all finally arrived at Shipwreck Beach.

"ALL ABOARD THE JOLLY ROGER, BITCHES AND GENTLEMEN!" Carter shouted from the ship.

Carter extended the walkway, and let everyone on.

"Alright everyone, let's get moving!"

Meanwhile, Izzy was landing on Pirate Island with Wendy,

John and Michael with her. Jake and Cubby were inside with some finishing touches in the room where the feast would be held.

Before they got into the hideout, Izzy noticed the Jolly Roger headed this way.

"I'd better tell Jake." She said, running into the hideout.

"You guys go to our bedroom and wait there." Izzy asked.

Jake was just leaving the room with Cubby, when Izzy came rushing in.

"Guys, the Jolly Roger is headed this way!" She exclaimed.

Immediately, Jake ran outside, and checked through his spyglass to see a big surprise. It wasn't Captain Hook and his crew.

It was Peter Griffin and the others.

"Wait, why is Peter aboard the Jolly Roger? And why is someone else sailing it?" Jake asked surprised.

Thirty seconds later, the ship arrived at shore, and Carter let down the walkway. Everyone, including Carter got off.

"Alright, let's get the feast started, I'm starving." Quagmire said impatient.

But then, they heard a rooster call from the sky.

"What the hell was that?" Lois asked in confusion.

"PETER PAN!" The crew shouted in excitement as the green clothing boy landed.

"Ahoy, mateys!" He yelled as he hugged his beloved crew.

"Who the fuck is this queer?" Peter asked.

"Peter Griffin, Peter Pan. Peter Pan, Peter Griffin." Jake introduced.

The two people of the same name just stared at each other awkwardly.

"Hi." Peter Griffin said.

"Hi." The other Peter replied.

"So... what do you do for a living?" Griffin asked.

"Oh, plenty. I usually like to-"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Lets go." Peter then walked into the hideout, following everyone inside.

**V: Well, it looks like next chapter, there could be some laughs. I hope. See y'all later!**


	9. A Party Full Of Rants

**V: Welcome back everybody, to Pirate Guy! Now, this is one of the main chapters in the story. **

**B: Not because it's important, it's because this one will be worth it.**

**W: Bingo! As we've stated, the rants will be taking place in this chapter. Also, two chapters in a day?! I must be on a roll!**

**N: Hey guys, Minecraft?**

**V: Yeah, come on.**

**B: I haven't actually played it yet. I've heard it's been getting really popular these days. **

**T: Hell yeah, Minecraft's being revived, and Fortnite is dying.**

**B: No it's not.**

**W: Yeah, it actually is. I still play it though, but not as much.**

**V: Enjoy the chapter while we have this conversation.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Family Guy and Captain Jake and the Never Land Pirates belong to Seth MacFarlane and Disney Junior. And the biggest joke you will see in this chapter does not belong to me either.**

Chapter 9: A Party Full Of Rants

Jake watched as both Peter Pan and Peter Griffin got inside, but then suddenly, Izzy came out.

"Jake, we forgot the turkey!" Jake had just realized.

"Don't worry about it." Peter Griffin said walking back. "I found one a while back, didn't kill it yet, but I will soon, after we have the regular food."

"Wait, what?" Jake was confused.

"Oh, see, I thought that you made some courses, then turkey comes later with some other courses, you know."

"Umm, yeah. I guess we can do that." Jake said.

"Great, let's get inside." And Peter walked back in with the two kids. "Hopefully those kids aren't as annoying as those orphanage kids we had across the street when Cleveland moved away.

(Cutaway Begins)

_Six to ten orphan were on the front yard of Cleveland's old house and they were singing a song._

_"We're too old to ever be adopted, no one wants a nine year old."_

_"Shut up, ya bastards!" Peter yelled from across the street, throwing a football at one of the boy's heads._

(Cutaway Ends)

Minutes later, the seventeen men, woman, boys and girls sat on a table with plenty of food to go around. Skully was just sitting on a bird standing, helping himself to some crackers.

But during this time, Peter and his friends had been coming up with some rants to keep themselves entertained, and the kids, excluding Meg, Chris and Stewie, tried their best to ignore it. Part of the time, the kids didn't even know what they were talking about. Right now, they were talking about The Cleveland Show with Cleveland.

"The talking bear was so bad, Seth MacFarlane quit voicing him after Season Two!" Quagmire exclaimed.

"It's hard to make a talking bear funny," Cleveland responded.

"Not really," Peter Griffin said. "I mean, there's Yogi Bear, Brother Bear from that old Disney movie."

"Peter, Brother Bear wasn't even funny," Quagmire pointed out.

"So what? They were still bad bears."

"Look, whatever. New topic," Joe said. "I'll go. So, a little pile of poop is the second most used emoji in the world. We are making fun of an innocent pile of poop. They actually made a movie out of this. Years from now, we will be shamed by the poop rights movement. Get it?" Peter, Cleveland and Quagmire just stared at him, with very bored expression. "Oh, never mind."

"Wait, I have one!" Carter started. "Okay, true story. Dude posts story about his kids on Facebook. Says 'to see what happens next, follow me on Snapchat.' Pinning your kids to help you get more Snapchat followers is desperate. This is a symptom of many people trying to make a name for themselves on the web. You're trying too damn hard and you're way too self-promotional. You want more followers, why it's really simple. Be nice, be helpful, do good work, and the rest will follow. Not like I'd do that anyway.

"Well, I got one for ya," Quagmire started. "I absolutely hate stock photos! Like, come on! There are so many free or low-cost photo resources out there. Nobody believes your company is filled with perfect multi-cultural employees who jump in the air when something goes right!" Quagmire finished.

"Ok, alright. I got one," Cleveland started. "Okay, so, we need to stop using Gary Vaynerchuk as the case study for everything. It's the Zappos Syndrome. Every company thought they could be Zappos and this was the case study in every social media book for five years. But to be Zappos, you have to BE Zappos. You have to possess their singular culture and leadership. Similarly, nobody can duplicate Gary, nor should they try. He is an outlier, not really how the mainstream works. I don't think we should necessarily take our cues from the most extreme data point in the sample set. He is the LeBron James of social media!"

"Wanna know something else?" Joe started. "At least once a week, I see a social media guru arguing that ROI can mean something other than money. If you don't understand, ROI is strictly a business financial term, and ONLY a financial term. You have no place in being in business. I'm embarrassed that this is still a discussion point among other online marketers. There are lots of ways to measure success, but there is only one thing called ROI."

Everyone heard a small noise. They looked at Skully, who wasn't eating crackers at the moment.

"Wasn't me," He protested. They heard the noise again, and every single person at the table looked at Peter Griffin. He just realized everyone was looking at him, strangely.

"Oh, sorry Joe. You were saying something about 'LeBron James discovering social media or something'?" Peter said stupidly, since he didn't listen to a single word Joe said. "Sorry about that, I was too busy not caring and picking my belly button to see if I'm really growing a second penis."

"Peter, you can't say that with them here!" Lois exclaimed, talking about Jake and his crew, and the Darlings.

"So what? They've all heard that word before somewhere, and I'm pretty sure they know what it is!"

Then, another noise. It came from Brian's phone. He took it out, and saw something interesting.

"Hey guys, I just heard that someone's planning on doing a tour around the world to cure Juvenile Diabetes."

"Oh that's great, Brian!" He said in joy, despite having no idea what diabetes was. "See, Lois, there's hope. Now you won't have to worry about all of that junk down there messing up your-" Brian interrupted.

"No, no, no, Peter, you moron. That's Gonorrhea. Diabetes is not an STD. It's an infection you get when your body isn't sensitive to insulin."

"Oh. Oh, crap, you're serious? Ha, good thing, too. I once had this incident where I was a doctor and I had to diagnose this patient with Type II Diabetes, and I was thinking to myself "No way this guy can have diabetes. He doesn't have a vagina." Peter then laughed again, but then he stopped when he saw Lois, Meg, Izzy and Wendy glaring at him angrily. Peter put his head down in embarrassment as he slowly started going under the table, and went back up ten seconds later.

"Lois, remind me again. Why did you marry him?" Carter asked angrily.

"You know what, I've got a better topic," Quagmire then said.

"Peter, let's say I had a baby who was dropped off at my door and it's mother was some girl I had sex with without a condom. What should I do?" He asked.

Peter then thought. "Uhh, oh boy." Peter was in a serious train of though. "Okay, now, now, this is just a suggestion, just throwing it out there, have you considered abortion?"

"Uhh, Peter, I think it's too late for that."

"Aww, don't let the press put the scare into you."

"Yeah, but, you can't really abort a live baby."

"Oh, boy, they have got you!" Peter said cheerfully. "Glenn, Glenn." Peter then leaned into the man's ear and whisperered. "Give it back to God."

"Yeah, Peter, I'm gonna go ahead and move the conversation forward." He then turned his attention to Peter Pan.

"So, what do you basically do for living? I mean, we all know you can't grow up, so there's a possibility your a two hundred year old stuck inside of a teenage body. So, what do you usually do for fun?"

"Well, I usually explore the lands beyond the Never Sea, play with the old codfish himself-"

"Just who are you referring to here?" Quagmire asked, having no idea that it was Captain Hook he was talking about.

"Oh, Captain Hook."

"Yeah, but why do you call him that? He's not anything, like a fish. Second, what was the reason you cut off his hand in the first place, like did you have a dagger, or knife? Plus, I don't think he should even be alive right now."

"Can you please stop interrupting?" Jake asked politely.

"Well, sure, but I was just curious. I mean, aren't all of you? Like, how is someone with their hand cut off and replaced with a hook still alive? How does that make any sense at all?" Quagmire finished. There was complete silence in the air.

"Look, Quagmire, there's no such thing as logic here, remember?" Peter Griffin reminded. "Think about all those times I fought with the chicken. We always caused mass destruction and never got arrested for it. I mean, we killed hundreds, and got away with it. Plus, we even got to meet Jesus Christ, and that's saying something."

"I'm done. Go ahead, what did you wanna say?"

"Well, as I was saying, I explore the lands beyond the Never Sea, play with Captain Hook, search for treasure, help out to stop any danger, and that's pretty much it."

"Absolutely fascinating, I must say!" John exclaimed.

"Well, Peter Pan's adventures are awesome! Just like he is!" Jake added on, just as excited. Then, Peter Griffin came into the conversation, making up his own dirty rant since he hasn't made a rant yet.

"OK, OK, how about this!" Peter started. "OK, so a 21-year old prostitute/alcoholic with a clean medical record as far as STD's and a 50-year old nymphomaniac with 20-year cancer, heart disease, diabetes and 7 STD's including The Clap, HIV and Hepatitis C, walk into a strip club where they meet up with a 35-year old registered rapist who's hit more than 50 victims, and has had a gall bladder transplant, and a 42-year old who's been smoking pot, Shrooms, X, Meth and Dust for 30 years ever since he turned 12. Now, the men and the women go into a bathroom stall, which has just been used by a guy with AIDS, and each take turns having sex with each other."

"Peter, maybe this isn't the best time for this joke."

"Not now, Lois, I'm on a roll."

"But, Peter, there are 9 and 10 year olds in this room. They don't wanna hear a story about prostitutes and rapists having sex with each other."

"I know that, that's why the story's not like that. The guys and girls take turns having sex with each other, and then they proceed to have sex with each other, cause they're gay." Lois, along with everyone, was mortified, except for Stewie and Brian who have heard this joke several times and had gotten used to it. Carter, Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire however, were interested in this story. But that doesn't mean they were a bit embarrassed as well.

Brian, who was sitting next to Izzy and Wendy, who was beside Izzy, were both close to throwing up, but Brian stopped them. "You'd better hold that in, girls. The story's only going to get worse."

"OK, so they have sex with each other, 12 times each to be exact, and that's straight, and gay sex. OK, so after they're finished, they head out because it's closing time. But before they get out, the 21-year old prostitute bumps into this 60-year old fat person who's in the middle of having an erection, and before they can separate, they love the feeling of his being in hers, so they have sex there. But what they didn't know was that the 60-year old had Herpes and a tumor the size of my fist. Now, which one of the four get AIDS?"

Everyone in the room stared at Peter in shock. Quagmire, Joe, Cleveland and Carter were in thought of who got AIDS, but they also had shocked faces. Meanwhile, Lois, Meg and Chris dropped their jaws, Stewie looked pretty fed up, Jake and his crew were completely stunned, including Skully, and so were Peter Pan and the Darlings as they had their mouths covered. Brian just simply looked at Peter Griffin and said, "Peter, th-tha-that's not a joke. Th-that's just wrong."

"Wrong! The 35-year old rapist develops AIDS while he was having sex with the 42-year old pothead after he touched the sink that the guy before him that had AIDS used to wash his hands. BUT! But, a week after that, the 42-year old gets rabies after going camping, the 50-year old goes on to be a serial killer, and the 21-year old prostitute catches The Clap, get pregnant and has a baby who develops a brain tumor. So she kills the baby by repeatedly humping it's nipples, dumps the body in a lake, then travels to New York and hangs herself on the statue of liberty."

"How sad..." Brian said.

"**BUT! **The rope breaks before it chokes her, and she falls a thousand feet into the ocean, and drowns to death. There you go."

By the end of Peter's idiotic rant, Stewie looked extremely mad and was ready to burst, Joe, Quagmire and Cleveland looked like they were about to pass out of complete shock, Carter just looked casual, Lois was mortified, Meg, Jake, Peter Pan and Wendy were shocked. Chris, John and Michael were stunned, Cubby had ran out of the room, and Brian wasn't impressed. Izzy however, was a different story. After failing to hold it in, she ran to a bucket at the end of the room, and threw up in it several times. Peter, however, just though that she was doing some sort of Indian ritual.

"Hey, come back, Indianabella!" He shouted, getting her name completely wrong. "This is a great story! They were all like, **Pow! Right in the kisser!** to each other. **Pow! Right in the kisser! Pow! Right in the kisser! Pow! Right in the kisser! Pow! Right in the kisser!** As he kept shouting, Izzy kept vomiting.

"Um, Brian," A scared and mortified Stewie asked. "Ho-how many times has that girl thrown up?"

"I lost track after 33."

After throwing up 45 times, Izzy finally passed out. While Peter Griffin continued shouting, Jake took Izzy in his arms, and carried her to the bedroom.

Lois and Peter Pan, then took Peter Griffin out of the room, and leading him to Bucky's grotto.

"Oh come on! Haven't you guys ever heard of an abortion story?" He yelled as the door was closed behind him.

Everyone, was either shocked, or stunned. Quagmire, Joe, Cleveland still had their shocked faces on, and Carter just had a blank expression on his face.

"So, where's the turkey?" He asked.

**V: This has to be the most ridiculous chapter in this story. I mean it in a good way.**

**B: Yeah, like, it was really funny.**

**V: So, let us know what you think in the comments, and we'll see you all next time!**

**W: MINECRAFT IS OFFICIALLY REVIVED, BOYS!**

**V: Wow, what a way to interrupt.**

**W: Whatever, you were done anyway.**


	10. A Ruined Evening

**B: We locked Evan away, so we can do the intro now.**

**W: Yep, so welcome back to Pirate Guy, everybody!**

**T: Hope that last chapter made you all laugh.**

**N: I'm pretty sure it did.**

**V: Not, not everyone, I think?**

**B/N/T/W: HOW DID YOU ESCAPE?!?**

**V: I used a toothpick, to unlock the lock.**

**B/N/T/W: ...**

**V: Yeah, THAT'S RIGHT! I'M GOD DAMN SMART! Also, sorry for the wait. This will probably be the longest chapter in this story, so enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Family Guy belongs to Seth MacFarlane and Captain Jake and the Never Land Pirates belongs to Disney Junior.**

Chapter 10: A Ruined Evening

Peter Pan and Lois took Peter Griffin inside of Bucky's cabin to talk to him about what he just did.

"Peter, do you even know what the hell you just did?" Lois questioned.

"Yes I do. I told a joke you didn't let me finish back at home and did it here for everyone to hear. Gotta say, they're a tough crowd."

"Peter, they were nine and ten years old! Why should they possibly know about this?" Peter Pan asked.

"I'll tell you why, Peter Parker!"

"It's Peter Pan."

"Oh, ok. Well, because they should. It's not my fault they didn't have education about the human body. For example, a vagina is a woman's dick, and a penis is a man's dick." Lois just facepalmed herself.

"I'm just saying. They should've had sex ed or something. Earlier, I saw a list of what they like to do for fun, and once I was done, you wanna know what I was wondering to myself? Why wasn't sexual intercourse on this list? I mean, every kid nine and older should know how to properly handle a man's phallus."

"Peter, there is no school here! How could they possibly know anything about this! The only ones that could possibly know were those other three kids!"

"Look, if ya got a problem than spit it out."

"Sir, just stop saying that stuff. I don't want my crew to be scarred by your comments." Pan asked.

"Fine, Peter Piper." Peter Griffin said, getting his name wrong again.

"It's Peter Pan." He replied annoyed.

"Whatever. My son has a shotgun and the turkey is inside the ship. Want me to get it out?"

Meanwhile, Quagmire and the other two were still making jokes while everyone was in shock. Carter, just stayed casual. Brian just wasn't impressed.

"Okay, alright, here's one." Quagmire started. "So, some random fourteen year old accidentally calls their mom. So he texts, 'Sorry, I called you by accident.' And the mom replies, 'That's alright. I had you by accident.'"

Quagmire, Joe and Cleveland burst into laughter.

"Oh my!" Joe exclaimed. "Okay, my turn. You know what kidnapping is?"

"Um, what?" Cleveland asked.

"It's not kidnapping, it's surprise adoption!"

(Cutaway Begins)

_A random ten year old kid was walking down a street with his dad when suddenly, a masked man, comes in and traps the kid in a bag. He then kicked the father in the balls as he fell down._

_"Hey, don't kidnap my son!"_

_"I'm not kidnapping him. I'm adopting him by surprise." The masked man then ran away with the child in his possession._

(Cutaway Ends)

Of course, the three started laughing.

"Oh, my!" Joe exclaimed.

"Okay, my turn." Cleveland started. "Okay, so a kid asks his mom what dark humor is. Then, the mom says, 'See that man sitting on the red chair? Tell him to clap.' The boy responds 'But mom, I'm blind.' Then, the mom replies, exactly!"

Once again, the three started laughing.

Now, of course, people hate being left out, so John surprisingly, wanted in to this.

"Umm, may I say one?" John asked.

"Uhh... sure. What do you have in mind?" Joe asked.

"Alright. What pills do you try to wake up?"

The three remained silent.

"Sleeping pills!" He, Wendy and Michael chuckled a bit, but Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire were completely bored out of their minds.

"Okay, you obviously fucking suck at this. Really? That's something only a toddler would laugh at. Even a mentally retarded kid would be able to tell a joke like that." Quagmire said.

John looked down in disappointment.

Then, Peter Griffin came into the room.

"Hey, do you know where the boy with the red bandanna is?" He asked.

"Uh, Yeah. He went to the bedroom." Quagmire replied.

"Right now, in the bedroom, Izzy was in her bed, being treated. Not really as she was just eating some vegetables. She had lost a few pounds from everything she threw up. Jake was watching over her, and so was Cubby. After he had ran out of the room, he stayed in the bedroom, trying to forget about everything he heard. That's when later, Jake had brought Izzy in.

"How are you feeling, Iz? Better?" Jake asked.

"I... guess so. I never thought he could get any worse."

"It's alright. I don't think he really means any harm to us. I think that's just how he is." Jake said.

"But... there's no way I'm ever getting that out of my head, no matter how hard I try." Cubby admitted. Then, Peter Griffin came into the room.

"Hey, Uh, two things. One, sorry. Two, I need the red bandanna boy to come out and get the turkey ready. It's waiting for you outside."

"Peter, Chris just got a hold of your beer and has a shotgun! He's going to the bathroom now!" Lois yelled from downstairs.

"Doesn't matter!" Peter yelled back. "Come on, kid. Time to get the turkey ready." He said as Jake followed Peter out of the room.

"Hey, Izzy. Can you still handle the turkey?" Cubby asked with concern in his voice. Izzy thought about it long and hard before coming up with an answer.

"I guess so. Let's get down stairs."

Meanwhile, Peter has led Jake outside, and the turkey was standing right in front of him.

"Alright, kiddo! This will be one of your first steps to becoming a man. Now, I took my first shot as a kid, and to be honest, I had no scars from it whatsoever. So, anyway, as the leader, back where I come from, it's a tradition to kill the turkey."

"What?!" Jake exclaimed.

"I'm just kidding. It's not a tradition. I just want you to do the honors. Let me know when you're done." He then handed Jake and axe and walked back into the hideout.

Jake just stared at the axe in his hand, then at the turkey.

"Well... here we go." Jake raised the axe above his head, ready to slay the turkey, but after looking at the turkey's face, he just couldn't bring himself to do the job.

"I... I can't do it." Jake closed his eyes, and put the axe down.

Everyone was in the room waiting for the turkey, while Peter was about to say a joke.

"Hey, Peter. Do you mind telling that dirty joke we talked about?" Joe asked.

"Oh, you guys wanna hear it?" Peter Griffin asked.

"No!" Wendy, John, Michael, Carter, Pan, Brian and Lois exclaimed.

"Yes!" Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland exclaimed.

"I'll take that as a yes." Peter replied. "Alright." Lois cupped her eyes in defeat.

"So this chick goes on a date with this guy that she wants to fuck, but she's worried because she's got, like a huge vagina from fucking so many other guys, so she gets a piece of liverwurst, and shoves it up her vagina so when she fucks her, it'll feel tighter."

"Oh my god." Brian said quietly, annoyed.

"So she puts the liverwurst, in her vagina, goes home with a guy, fucks him, everything seems fine. She wakes up the next morning, and he's gone, and he's left her a note that says "Thank you for a lovely evening. However, I don't think this is going to work out. P.S. you're vagina is in the sink!"

Quagmire, Joe and Cleveland started laughing as usual, Carter still looked casual as he didn't care, while everyone was completely shocked.

"Aww, crap! I did it again!" Peter Griffin exclaimed, as he made his way to the bathroom after pooping his pants.

One minute later, he returned to his seat.

"None of that ever happened." Peter Griffin said calmly.

Suddenly, Jake opened the door, holding the turkey.

"I can't do it." Jake said.

"What? What do you mean you can't do it?" Peter Griffin asked in disbelief.

Jake walked up to Peter Pan, who was sitting at the other end of the table.

"Peter, I just can't bring myself to kill something, even something as simple as a turkey. I wanted the perfect Thanksgiving and I don't think we can have it. But, when you really think about it, isn't this holiday about being with friends and family? With the people you love and care about?"

Everyone took notice into the words the young boy had said, and realized he was right.

"Well, I guess you're right, kiddo." Peter Griffin said, getting up from his chair, and walking to the other Pete and Jake. "I mean, does it really matter what we eat? What matters is that we're all here together, so, kiddo, ask away. I know what you wanna say."

Jake smiled. "Peter Pan, can the turkey join us for the feast, not as our meal, but as a guest?" He said before putting the turkey in front of him on the table walking back to his seat.

"Jake, that was so sweet of you." Izzy said. Jake blushed.

"Well, Jake. I guess you do have a point." Pan replied. "Of course he can." He then held up his cup of juice.

"Happy Thanksgiving, everybody." He said to everyone, when suddenly...

**BOOM!**

Someone shot the turkey's head, causing it to explode, with blood and feathers flying all over the place as everyone covered themselves.

Apparently, Chris had shot it with a shotgun and was drunk, plus his hair was messed up a bit.

"The man of the house, killed the turkey, for Thanksgiving!" He said drunk, and a second later, he collapsed. Everyone was in shock as they stared at the dead turkey without it's head.

"Welp, looks like we're having turkey after all!" Peter Griffin said smiling, as everyone looked at him, still pretty shocked.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?!" A voice screamed loudly.

Jake had screamed as he jumped out his chair and ran straight to both of the Peter's.

"Oh, that's easy. I didn't do anything. My son did, and he shot the turkey for Thanksgiving, like a real man. Boy, am I proud of him." Peter Griffin said proudly.

Later...

Peter Griffin was in the kitchen, getting some wet paper towels to clean up the blood that was spilled the room.

Then, Peter Pan came into the room.

"Listen, what just happened in there, I don't really appreciate it." Peter Pan said to Peter Griffin.

"Well, it's not my fault these kids weren't trained to be proper men. Proper men like me, carry a gun, and beer to keep ourselves happy and delighted." Griffin replied.

"Well, it's not my fault you don't raise your kids properly, and the fact that you tell dirty jokes like that in front of kids is even worse!" Pan retorted.

Griffin sighed. "You know, sometimes, I feel like we're so alike, yet so different. Like a whale and his developed mentally disabled brother."

(Cutaway Begins)

_People were standing at a place where you can watch the ocean, and people cheered when they saw a whale, go up into the surface, and blow water through his nose, and came back down._

_Later, another one wearing diapers, came out and jumped high out of the water._

_"HI, GUYS!" He said to the people, as he landed back into the water on his back._

_"GET IN MY MOUTH, YOU HUNDREDS OF FISH!" He yelled down below in the ocean._

(Cutaway Ends)

"Listen to me, I honestly don't think you should be raising these kids the way you raise!"

"Excuse me? Look at those three retards! You think they're doing a good job?! No! Also, one of them is a fat ass!"

"Oh! You're so you're saying he's fat?! Look at your son!"

"What, Stewie? He's not fat."

"No! I meant Chris!"

"Ooh, that makes more sense, yeah. But you listen here! You can talk about my daughter like that, but not my son! Now apologize!"

"Ha! I think not! You let your son carry a shotgun, and get drunk!"

"Yeah, I know! Because my son's a young man, while you're kids are just three imaginary things that believe their entire existence makes the whole world go round! And don't get me started on all of them! That so called leader, needs to man up! He's too damn kind. He let me get away with sexually assaulting the girl!"

"YOU DID WHAT!?"

"Now, in my defense, I was drunk so I didn't know any better."

PUNCH!

Pan had punched Griffin, sending him two feet back. He looked down and saw blood going down from his nose.

He then growled and glared at Pan.

"Uh, oh."

Griffin then started punching Pan repeatedly, leading them down the stairs as they rolled down and both started punching each other. They got out of the hideout and started rolling around the sand as they punched each other repeatedly.

They somehow, managed to get aboard the Jolly Roger as they were rolling on the walkway to the ship. Once they got on it, Griffin pushed Pan off of him as he ran up to him and kept punching him while they walked up the stairs.

But, during the fight, Griffin's back was behind the wheel, and he made it turn, causing the walkway to retract, and also caused the ship to sail away.

None of them noticed as they kept punching each other, rolling around the deck.

Thirty seconds later, the Jolly Roger reached Shipwrech Beach, and Griffin pushed Pan out of it as he jumped down from the ship, and they both made their way towards Never Land while still punching each other, but they never the ship was still sailing, and it was going away from Shipwreck Beach, and was sailing towards the middle of nowhere.

As they kept fighting, Griffin pulled out a gasoline tank and hit Pan on the head with it, and during that time, the cap came out, and Griffin didn't know as he threw away the can into the forest while the gasoline inside it was still leaking out.

Pan then pushed Griffin towards a tree and as he tried to punch him square face, Griffin moved out of the way, shoved him to the floor, and the tried to pull out the small tree branch that was in front him.

He then tried to stab Pan with it, but he caught it and snapped it in half. Griffin growled as he threw away the stick, and they both started punching each other again as they made their way into the forest.

A minute later, They made their way into Big Bug Valley, where Griffin grabbed Pan's arms, and threw him at one of the bugs, and he landed on it, causing the bugs to flee as Griffin kept punching the boy. Pan then elbowed Griffin's head, almost causing it to snap, and now he was really mad as he was now wanted to kill Pan, without any hesitation whatsoever.

However, during their fight, they never noticed that from the gasoline spreading, a forest fire started, causing plenty of animals and bugs to fly and run away.

Then suddenly, a military jet came through the second star, and landed near the two Peter's fighting. Apparently, Carter had ordered a jet to come pick them up, and this pilot wasn't a smart one as he landed somewhere that he wasn't supposed to land at. He crashes through some of the trees, as he descended.

He then exited the jet as he walked away from it.

"Alright then, where's Carter?" He asked himself, when suddenly, Griffin threw Pan into the plane, and he jumped into it as well. As they were fighting, Pan was thrown into the cockpit, turning on the plane, and the throttle was pushed, causing the plane to take off from the ground.

The jet was now swerving in circles around Never Land as the two Peter's were still fighting in the cockpit. Griffin has got ahold of Pan's head and slammed it onto one of the buttons three times. Little did he know those were the buttons to fire missles as three of them shot down onto Never Land, causing plenty of destruction around the island.

The jet was now flying into the night sky in the clouds above as Pan was pushing Griffin across the steering wheel, and as soon as he got off the steering wheel, the jet started to pummel down, but then, they both noticed that the jet now had an empty tank and was above Belch Mountain, and it was pummeling down at an incredibly fast rate.

Griffin pushed Pan off the jet, and tackled him in midair, thirteen thousand feet above the ground.

The jet fell into the volcano, causing a massive explosion, and causing the volcano to erupt, making lava spread across almost all of Never Land.

The two Peter's landed in Pixie Peak, and they both fell into the fountain of pixie dust, giving Peter Griffin the ability to fly as he threw Pan into the sky, flew up to him, and punched him repeatedly as Pan did the same thing, but then, they noticed something.

Some fireballs were spitting out of the erupting volcano, and both the Peter's were trying to dodge as much as they can.

"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, OH CRAP!" Griffin exclaimed.

They both managed to dodge six lava balls, then, they got hit by one, and were sent down, to Shipwreck Beach.

They both got up, breathing heavily as they looked at each other, they're clothes were partly torn off, and they had plenty of bruises and blood on them.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO!?!?"

They both turned around to see Lois, and everyone else. Lois, Jake and his crew, and the Darlings were the ones that were really mad at them. Brian was a bit mad, and Quagmire, Joe, Cleveland and Carter was angry about one thing.

"WE ASKED YOU, TO GET PAPER TOWELS, AND THEN ALL OF THIS HAPPENS!? YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!"

"Yeah, you blew up my multi million dollar jet!" Carter exclaimed.

"He started it!" Both Peter's yelled pointing at each other, and then looked at each other awkwardly.

"No, you started it!" They yelled at each other.

"Oh, yeah!? Who do you have to back you up!?" Pan retorted.

"Well... uhh..." He then got a good look around and saw almost every resident of Never Land around him glaring at him angrily.

Captain Flynn, Captain Hook and his crew, Red Jessica, Jake and his crew, Wendy, John, Michael, the Pirate Princess, basically almost everybody was there.

"I'm going to prison, aren't I?" Peter said to himself, calmly.

**V: Well, Griffin is basically screwed here, and there's no doubt about it.**

**W: But, as we know, Jake might think it was rage that took Griffin over, and he would try to explain that it wasn't his fault, then they would go to the Forever Tree, and fix Never Land back to the way it was before.**

**B: Dude, you just spoiled what would happen!**

**W: Then write about something else, next chapter!**

**V: I'm actually going to do just that. Anyway, this story is close to it's end. Probably one or two chapters left, so as always, I hope you enjoyed.**


	11. End

**V: Hey, so this is the next chapter. We're actually getting pretty close to the end of the story.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Family Guy belongs to Seth MacFarlane and Captain Jake and the Never Land Pirates belongs to Disney Junior.**

Chapter 11: End

At this point, everyone was ready to beat Peter Griffin to a pulp, including Carter since they destroyed his jet. But, then, to everyone's surprise, Jake had stepped in to defend him. This was very difficult, considering that he had practically destroyed pretty much most of their home. Peter Pan argued with him, saying he deserved it since he was the one that started the fight in the first place, and did all of those things to Izzy. But then, Jake explained how they didn't want this to happen. Jake said Peter Griffin didn't know any better, since he was drunk. And, it was his rage that took them over.

Peter Griffin was amazed. He couldn't believe his ears. All he did to Jake was ruin his evening, sexually assault one of his crew members, and yet, here he was defending him. Peter Griffin had now taken a liking into Jake. He was really thankful for what he had done.

That night, Red Jessica had decided to throw a huge party. Of course, Peter Griffin played his favorite song during it, which was 'Surfin Bird'. Peter Pan had left midway to explore the lands beyond the Never Sea once more, and Jake had expected that.

Chris and Meg had hung out with Jake and his friends. They did plenty of things with them. Not sexually. They wished though. Carter just hung out with some serious guys, like Captain Hook. Lois hung out with the ladies, and so did Quagmire, and Cleveland and Joe decided to just have some friendly chats with everyone.

Late at night, which was at three in the morning, the party ended. Peter Griffin and his friends had decided to sleep at random places in Never Land. They all agreed to meet up at Shipwreck Beach. Carter, Brian and Stewie slept at Shipwreck Beach. Lois, Meg and Chris slept at Thousand Palm Forest, Cleveland, Quagmire and Joe slept at Pixie Peak and Peter Griffin slept at Pirate Island. He arrived at the island after the crew had got there.

Wendy and her brothers were actually pretty tired after the party so they decided to sleep with Jake for the night. So, Jake slept with Izzy on his bed, Wendy slept with John on Izzy's bed, and Cubby slept with Michael on his bed.

It was a bright, new day. 8:00 in the morning, to be precise. Jake and his friends, along with everyone else in the Never Land were sleeping peacefully. Normally, though, the pirate crew would be awake by this time, but considering they were awake the night before until 3 in the morning spending most of the night at Red Jessica's party, it's no surprise they're still asleep. It's no surprise everyone's still asleep...

"A-WELL-A-EVERYBODY'S HEARD ABOUT THE BIRD! A-WELL-A BIRD BIRD BIRD! B-BIRD'S THE WORD!"

Everyone, except for Peter Griffin, the man whose stupidity knows no bound. The minute he woke up at Pirate Island, he picked up beers and drank 'til he couldn't drink no more. Which means he' still drinking.

The barbaric booms of the stereos playing 'Surfin' Bird', in addition to Peter singing with it as well immediately woke Jake and his friends up, and boy were they not happy. And neither was the leader of the bunch, Jake.

"Well, what's all that racket out there?" Michael asked, tired.

"I think it's Peter. He's playing that stupid 'Surfin' Bird' song. It's driving me nuts!"Jake shouted, grinding his teeth together to drown out the song.

"We were all up all night at the party Red Jessica held and they were there too, so you'd think the least they'd do would be to let us sleep a little." Cubby said, groggily.

"Well, that's the trouble with idiots. They never know when to stop." Wendy said.

"Actually, they just choose not to stop. " John said angrily.

Jake immediately got up from his bead, put on his captain clothes on, which were now clean, and started heading downstairs to the hideout entrance, and opened it up.

When the door opened in front of Peter, he stopped the music and walked up to Jake. "Hey, little child. What can I do for you?"

"Hey, Peter. Do you think you can turn down the music a little bit!?"

"Who are you?"

"You're joking, right? It's me, Jake! We were at the party last night until 3 am, and we're very tired. My friends are all tired. So if you could kindly shut the music off for about another few hours, that would be great, Peter!"

"Well, sir, while I may be an idiot, if there's one thing I'm not, that sir, is an idiot. Now go back in there and go fuck yourself. I'm trying to listen to my music." And with that, Peter angrily closed the door on Jake.

"Stupid kids." He muttered before putting the music back on, this time, even louder than before. "They're just like one of those families that bitches about every little thing that ordinary people would bitch about."

(Cutaway Begins)

_Peter was hosting a family consisting of a very strict mother and father, and an overly dressed 9 year old boy._

_"OK, so this is my house. Uh, feel free to roam around as you please. Just don't touch anything." Peter said nervously. The father approached a photo of Chris on the wall near the staircase._

_"This picture frame is off-center!" The father shouted._

_"O-OK, I-I can just fix it later."_

_"It enrages me when a homeowner carelessly ignores such flagellant violations of the sanctity of a perfectly balanced home!"_

_"Alright, no need to get uptight over it."_

_"How do you think I'd feel if you came to my house and I had un-straightened picture frames all around?"_

_"It's one-sixteenth of an inch off. Don't get a fucking orgasm!"_

_"And look!" The mother yelled from the kitchen, noticing a cup on the kitchen table. "This cup has no coaster underneath it."_

_"We don't use coasters."_

_The mother and father both gasped loudly. "You don't use coasters? Are you invited us into your house in this condition?"_

_"Invited you? I don't even fucking know you!"_

(Cutaway Ends)

While Jake's crew tried covering their ears with their pillows, desperately trying to block out the erupting noise from the stereo while Jake walked back upstairs, another member of the crew has already had her filling of 'Surfin' Bird'. Izzy.

She had also been up all night at the big party, which was no surprise, and now, just wanting to get some well deserved sleep, had to endure the torture that was Peter.

Angry and fed up with the music, she jumped out of bed, put on her clothes and slippers, and marched right out the bedroom and towards the nearest window, which was twenty feet above Peter. She marched up to the window, opened it and started yelling out of it really loudly.

"HEY, YOU OUT THERE! WILL YOU STOP PLAYING THAT STUPID SONG? WE'VE HEARD BACK AT THE PARTY AND WE'RE ALL SICK OF IT!" She shouted as loud as she could over the music. She actually strained her voice in the process. She growled in annoyance that Peter didn't hear her.

So she went downstairs, and banged on the hideout entrance hard enough for him to hear. "You've kept everyone up all night long, so we'd appreciate it if you'd just shut that music of-"

She was cut off when a drunken Peter holding a beer can, holding onto the tiki statue and walked up to Izzy, angrily glaring at her.

"Uh, hey bitch?" He smugly said. "Um, I'm trying to listen to my favorite music of all time and your nagging and yelling is making it hard for me to enjoy it."

"What!?"

"So if you don't mind shutting the hell up so I can enjoy it, I'd greatly appreciate it."

"Well, I'd appreciate getting back to sleep. We've been up all night with your friends, having lots of fun at Red Jessica's big party. We were all there, remember? The dog, your crazy friends, and the talking football?"

"Talking football? Now that's no way to talk about my son? Maybe my wife or my daughter, but not my son."

"You don't even know who I'm talking about, do you?"

"Um...I think so. What's his name again? I wanna say 'Louie'."

Izzy just gave up as she cupped her eyebrows in defeat.

"Hey, um, you think you can take me to that beach over there? I gotta get back to my family and those other people I hang out with."

"Why, I'd love to! After I get some sleep!"

Peter then pulled out a gun, and pushed it on to her head.

"Take me... now."

"Okay, okay, okay, okay. I will, I will." She said frightened as Peter put the gun away and she got Bucky ready.

"Bye." A voice said.

Peter saw Jake waving and smiling. Peter then walked up to him.

"Hey, listen, kid. I just wanna day, thanks for what you did yesterday. You know, defending me and all. I really appreciate it and... I'm sorry." Jake smiled.

"It's alright." They both shook hands.

"Hey, do you think you can get in touch with us sometime?" Peter asked.

"Umm, like how?" Jake asked. "A letter?"

"Haha, I'm just kidding with you kid. First of all, I don't even know how to get back here, and second, nobody writes letters anymore. Not even the Amish."

(Cutaway Begins)

_Two Amish gentlemen, a bearded one and a bald one, were talking in the corn fields._

_"My brother-in-law just settled into his new home in New York City." The bearded one said. "It has two stories, three bathrooms, and a den so he can set up his man cave."_

_"That sounds wonderful." The bald one responded. "How did you find this out?"_

_"He sent me this letter." The bearded one held up an envelope._

_"A letter? Fascinating! Will you respond?"_

_"I want to, but I just can't figure out how. Like, am I supposed to write on the back of the paper? Or do I just start a new letter?"_

_"And for that matter, who do you send it to?"_

_"This is all just too confusing. Let's just wait for the arrival of computers and the internet."_

_"But we're an Amish community. Technology like that is five hundred years away."_

_"And yet we have iPods?" The bearded one held out an iPod._

(Cutaway Ends)

Peter got on Bucky as the ship sailed away and the two kept waving at each other until neither of them were in sight anymore.

Peter then jumped off the boat once he got to Shipwreck Beach.

Izzy immediately took off.

"Hopefully those kids don't do anything crazy after this, like I did when I was in 'Hell's Kitchen'."

(Cutaway Begins)

C_hef Gordon Ramsey was now taking a bite out of a signature dish created by Peter Griffin. His_ _dish consisted of pancakes made entirely out of relish, covered in syrup, mustard, and apparently, either three weeks worth of his own sperm, or expired mayo._

_The taste was so terrible it caused Chef Ramsey to gag and throw it up. "Ugh, whose shit is this!?"_

_"That would be mine, sir." Peter said as he stepped up to Gordon._

_"OK, what the hell is this shit?"_

_"Um, this is my original recipe. It's what I call 'Pancake Avalanche'. It's a baker's dozen pancakes stacked into one, covered entirely of relish,"_

_"Mm-hmm."_

_"Mustard..."_

_"Uh-huh."_

_"And sperm."_

_Chef Ramsey vomitted again. "What!?"_

_"Oh, yeah, I cover my food with sperm sometimes!?"_

_"Are you trying to give me a fucking heart attack with this disaster you call a meal? What the fuck is it with you!?"_

_"Well, I'd rather not say, but if you must know, I'm performing a science experiment with sperm. I'm trying to see if men can have babies naturally by just consuming men's sperm."_

_"W-What...?"_

_Peter then broke out into hysterical laughter. He could not for the life of him control it. "Oh, I'm just f#cking with you, man! No, no, a-actually, I'm in a bet wtih Quagmire. H-H-He-He bet me $200 that I couldn't knock up a man by making them eat my own junk before I left here. So-So even though you spit out that crap, y-you could end up a daddy next year! O-A-Actually now that I think about it, that would make you a mommy! HAHAHAHAHA!"_

(Cutaway Ends)

Meanwhile, Jake and his friends were now having some breakfast, without Izzy since she was still on her way back.

"You know, I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or happy that Peter's gone." Jake said.

"Say what you wanna say? That guy is crackers!" Skully squawked.

"Do you think that's going to be us when we grow up?" Cubby asked.

"You mean, IF, you grow up." John corrected. Everyone just laughed from there.

Meanwhile, everyone was now at Shipwreck Beach, but they were missing something. Batteries.

"Okay, who has batteries?" Brian asked.

"Me." Peter said.

"Ok, give them to me." Peter did as told and Brian put them in the device. Everyone gathered around and the device sent them back to their humble home.

Quahog, Rhode Island.

Everyone then went back into their homes, and Carter just walked back home.

"Hey, Joe."

"Yeah?"

**BOOM! BOOM!**

"AAAAHH!"

"Now we got the old Joe back." Peter had shot Joe in both legs, making him crippled once again.

Later that night...

The family was now at the couch.

"You know, I'm not gonna lie, I really enjoyed that place." Brian said.

"Yeah, I'm gonna miss the kids. But you know what, before I left, they gave me something."

"What is it?"

"Something very special, Lois."

"What is it, Dad?" Chris asked.

"What, you haven't heard?"

"FUCK!" Stewie shouted.

"A-WELL-A BIRD BIRD BIRD! B-BIRD'S THE WORD! A-WELL-A BIRD BIRD BIRD! B-BIRD'S THE WORD! A-WELL-A BIRD BIRD BIRD! B-BIRD'S THE WORD!"

THE END

**V: Amazing. But wait, there's more. Stay tuned for deleted scenes, coming soon.**


	12. Deleted Scenes

**V: Hey, guys. This is the true final chapter.**

**W: Here, we're going to show you guys some deleted scenes that we didn't have time to put in, we thought were too stupid, or just weren't good enough.**

**B: Let's start.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Family Guy belongs to Seth MacFarlane and Captain Jake and the Never Land Pirates belongs to Disney Junior.**

Deleted Scenes

**Chapter 3: Answers**

"Go right ahead."

"What the hell is Never Land? Like, is that some sort of place in the middle of the Pacific Ocean where it's some sort of law to say 'never' in every single sentence?"

"Um, no." Misty replied. "It's-" Peter cut her off.

"Don't worry. I'll start. I'll never have sex with you. Quagmire, your turn."

"Okay, I'll never never get married."

"Oh, ho, ho! I see what ya did there, Quagmire! Okay, Cleveland you go."

"Okay, I will never bang your girlfriend."

"Perfect. Just perfect. Okay, now you, Joe."

"Alright. I never wanted to be crippled."

Peter, Cleveland and Quagmire stared at him blankly.

"What!? It's true. I've been in a wheelchair for almost all of my life!"

"No no no, seriously though? What the actual hell is this place?" Peter asked once more.

"Peter? You never heard of 'Peter Pan'? That old movie from 1953?" Quagmire questioned.

"There's a movie about me in 1953?"

"I said 'Peter Pan'. Not 'Peter Griffin'."

"Oh. Cause you know, I was starting to feel like we were meant to be known by people."

"Peter, we are. We were in a TV sitcom called 'Family Guy' created by Seth MacFarlane."

"Quagmire, stop breaking the fourth wall, damn it!" Joe said.

"What? We do it all the time, don't we?"

"Good point."

The four were so focused on whatever they were talking about that they were paying no attention to Misty whatsoever.

"Now, obviously we were meant to be known around all of Quahog, but we got that retard Adam West as a mayor. He once thought his name was Adam We because his light bright peices didn't show his full name."

(Cutaway Begins)

_Mayor Adam West was on the phone, talking to someone about his light bright peices._

_"No, not the Griffin's, you moron! The rest of my bright light peices! My name's not 'Adam We'." He was then silent for a few seconds. _

_"Or is it? Who am I? What number did you dial? Don't ever call here again." He then hung up the phone._

_"I guess I told him. Nobody messes with Adam We."_

(Cutaway Ends)

**Chapter 7: Preperations**

Peter was walking down the forest, passing by Mermaid Lagoon. He had a beer in his hand, and was no doubt drunk. He didn't even realize where he was at until he heard something was going on in Mermaid Lagoon. He took a look around and saw it to be Izzy and the mermaids. They were practicing one of their routine dances for the upcoming festival, which was going to be held in a month.

Peter decided to invade to see what they were up to.

"He-Hey-Hey! What's-What's going on?" He started asking, stuttering and slurring his words. "What-What are you guys up to? Up to something nice, I hope."

"We're just practicing our cheering routine for the championship soccer game in a month. Izzy had decided to watch us." Marina commented. "We're getting better, but we still need to practice."

"I'll say. You-You guys could use some w-work on your stuff and...stuff."

"You know, we are girls."

"Yeah-Yeah, Yeah, that's what they all say. Then they go under the knife and t-three days later, **BAM!** Herpes."

"OKay..."

"Yo-You know, I was once the head cheerleader of my school."

"You were?"

"Yeah. M-Maybe I can help you out a little bit. S-Show me what you got."

"OK." Marina got herself ready for her little solo. It was actually quite good. It wasn't actually all that bad. Then again, they were practicing a lot. At the end of her routine, Izzy clapped as she had absolutely loved their performance. Peter, however, in his intoxicated state, wasn't impressed that much.

"So, what do you think?" Izzy asked. "Pretty good, right?"

"T-That was...oh boy, what's the word I'm looking for? Uh..boy, t-th-that was really mediocre." Peter responded finally. "If-If I could just make one little suggestion."

"Um, sure. What is it?"

"Why don't I join your-your little group so at the end of that I could do this-" And then as if his life depended on it, he slapped Izzy's rear end hard. "Ha? HA? What do ya think?"

"What in the world that for?!" She shouted as she tried to rub where he slapped her. "That really hurt."

"I know. But that's all part of the routine." As Peter took another sip of his beer, Lois walked in.

"Peter, there you are. Dinner's at six tonight, we're going hunting... and," She noticed Izzy in pain. "Why is that little girl rubbing her own ass?"

"Oh, because I slapped it."

"WHAT? Why would you do that!?"

"It's all part of her and those tailed girl's cheering routine." While Lois was preplexed, Izzy was desperately trying to convince her that it was not true at all. "Yeah-Yeah, I-I was just passing by and then-then I saw her, and those other mermaids over there, doing some slut dance that came from Japan. I thought I'd be able to ejaculate with them, but...but that's not going be happening is it now?"

"Peter, that's wrong in so many ways."

"Well Hitler's reign of terror during 9/11 was wrong too, but nobody complained about it until the '80s."

"Peter you had no idea what 9/11 was until 2004. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to prepare the dinner." And with that, Lois took her leave.

"Well fine then. I'll just stay here and help this girl all by myself." He then turned back to Izzy. "S-So...so you ok with what I put on the table?"

"No, that wasn't it in anyway, good at all. And for your information, I'm not even in it."

"Well it's either that or you gotta suck on my balls?"

"What?"

"Suck on these halls?" Peter took out a bag of Halls cough drops, hoping to save himself. "H-Hey, I got an idea. W-Wh-Why don't you invite along that stupid little kid of yours, Ja-Ja-Ja-James? That's his name, right? James?"

"His name is Jake."

"Right...right. You-You love him, right? You-You're mad for him, like a-wow, you-you're madly in love with that prick-"

"Shh...shh! Shut up!" She shouted in a hushed voice to shut him up, even though she has told Jake that she had a crush on him, but she never told him she loved him a lot. She saw that Jake was coming down the forest. "I don't want him to know! I'm not ready to tell him."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know. Well don't worry, little girl. You don't have to tell him yet." Peter assured, letting Izzy sigh a sigh of relief. "So I'll tell him!" He then shouted, causing her to glare. He then drank the rest of his beer can, and threw it at Jake to get his attention. "Hey, hey scrawny kid with the penis for a nose!?" He yelled to Jake. "Hey kid! H-Hey kid, listen up! Do-Do you-Do you know this girl loves you!? Sh-She loves you so much she wants to marry you, you know!"

Jake exchanged a confused look to Izzy, who only covered herself in shame.

"Y-Yeah, this girl's so in love with you, I'd have to drink a beer to believe it! A-And it's-it's a shame you've been denying it this entire time. She loves you and have to achknowledge it otherwise you'll live your life in shame and depression like John Lennon, Shaquille O' Neal, Robert Logia. Get it through your head! This is the sweetest, most charming, most attractive little tool you will ever meet in your life. A-And if you can't s-see that by now, then do u-us all a favor, and go f-f-f-fuck yourself!" He pulled out another beer can and drank the entire thing in less than 10 seconds. He then took his leave after giving Jake the finger.

**Chapter 9: A Party Full Of Rants**

"Absolutely fascinating, I must say." John exclaimed.

"Well, that's Peter Pan for you. Always helping others in need." Jake said.

"Hey, you guys like drawings?" Peter Griffin asked.

"Um, yeah. Sure. Cubby draws a lot of them." Jake replied.

"And do you also like people with crazy imagination?"

"Yeah, I actually do." Jake said happily.

"Good, because I wanted to show all of you a picture I drew of Barney the Dinosaur having sex with the Iron Giant." Peter took out a picture of what he said he drew.

Everyone just stared at the piece of paper, clearly shocked and disgusted.

"What the hell is wrong with you people? Don't you have any imagination?"

"Peter, you're so fucking stupid, it's unbelievable." Joe said flatly.

"Well excuse me for having an imagination!"

"Your imagination is what caused 9/11!"

"Oh really, where's your fucking proof!?" And all of a sudden, Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Joe got into an argument about which of them started September 11th. It was horrifying, and a couple of times throughout the argument, the C-word, the N-word, and the words "Michael Phelps" came up, leaving all of the kids, except Stewie completely shocked, downright stunned and simply terrified. Finally, Lois finally had enough.

**"SHUT UP!" **She yelled loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Peter, you should be ashamed of yourself! First of all, the Iron Giant is like what, over fifty times taller than Barney? I don't know! Second, a man in a dinosaur costume, and a tin robot! Why do you do these things!?"

"Because it's what retarted people do. You should understand, Lois. You're married to a retarted man."

Everyone just stared blankly at Peter Griffin.

"Hey, Uh, Chris, have you had sex before?" Chris' father asked him.

"Umm, no?" Chris responded, confused.

"Well now's your chance? I will allow you to do any of those two girls of your choice."

And he then pulled out a pistol. "And I'll make sure no one stops you." He said gritting his teeth.

Izzy and Wendy were horrified. Back at home, Wendy and her brothers have heard of what sex was like, but they had never thought of actually having it.

Izzy, also knew what this was, after Wendy had just whispered to her what it was.

She was easily horrified as she tried to make a run for it by going to the door, but heard the click of a gun.

"I said, nothing is going to stop him. Now get back into that goddamn seat." Peter Griffin said while still gritting his teeth.

"This is absolutely outrageous!" Peter Pan exclaimed.

"Oh, really? Have you ever had the wonders of sex? Looking at your loved one's vagina? Yeah! I've heard of your stories! You're madly in love with that girl!" Peter Griffin said, pointing at Wendy.

"If you love her so much, then do her!"

"Absolutely not!" Wendy and Peter Pan both yelled at the same time.

"Don't tell me you forgot that I am able to take a single life here if a please. With the click of this handy device called a pistol, I can shoot it at anyone, and no one here can do anything about it since there aren't any hospitals or anything like that here. SO THE FOUR OF YOU GO INTO THE BEDROOM, AND HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW, OR EVERYBODY IN THIS ROOM, WILL DIE!"

No one moved. Everyone just stared in shock and horror.

"I MEAN IT! I'LL END YOU!" Peter Griffin screamed.

He then shot Peter Pan's arm, as he clutched in pain.

"PETER!" Jake, Izzy, Cubby, Skully, Wendy, John and Michael shouted.

"THAT'S RIGHT! WANT THAT TO HAPPEN TO YOU!? HUH!? HUH!? NO, SO YOU! BANDANNA GIRL! GO TO BEDROOM AND HAVE SEX WITH MY SON! AND YOU, PETER PORKER, YOU HAVE SEX WITH YOUR LOVER, IN THE GODDAMN BATHROOM, RIGHT NOW!"

**Chapter 10: A Ruined Evening **

"I'm going to prison, aren't I?" Peter Griffin said to himself, calmly.

"Umm, what?" Peter Pan asked in confusion.

"Wait, you've never heard of prison before? It's where stupid people such as yourself go to pay for their acts of malice, robbery, rape, and all that crap."

"Soo, you're saying we should put you in a place that we don't even have here?"

"No, I'm saying that I put YOU in there. You started this fight of course, and destroyed your own home."

"Peter, technically, no one started the fight." Brian said.

"Well, then who did?" Both Peter's asked.

"No one! You both started the fight!" Brian said, now getting lost between his words.

"How does that work?" Both Peter's asked.

"You know what, I give up. I'm taking over this land with new rules. Everyone here now has rights! That's right, we'll have a happy new life and we'll have equal rights for all!" Peter Griffin exclaimed. Everyone gave him a confused look.

"Expect blacks, Asians, Hispanics, Jews, gays, women, Muslims... um, everybody who's not a white man. And I mean 'white' white, so no Italians, no Polish, just people from Ireland, England and Scotland. But only certain parts of Scotland and Ireland. Just full blooded whites. No, you know what, not even whites. Nobody gets any rights." Everyone, besides the Griffin's and Peter Griffin's friends were now more confused than ever.

"Ah, Never Land." Peter Griffin said smiling, proudly.

**Chapter 11: End**

"You're right. Even so, I'm just glad to be back home again." Lois said.

"Yeah, and let's just be thankful that everything's back to normal." Peter said. And with that, everyone left the couch to do their own thing except for Peter and Lois. They decided to watch some TV.

Then, a yellow ball came in through the window holding a note.

Apparently, it was Tinker Bell and Peter Pan wanted to send a note to them. She dropped the note on Lois' leg, and left without hesitation.

"What the hell was that?" Peter asked.

"Don't know, but it gave us a note." Lois said as she picked up the note.

It was from Peter Pan, saying that Peter Griffin had sexually assaulted Izzy back in Never Land the day before the feast.

"Wait, Peter, is this true?" Lois asked in disbelief. And her response from her husband was him taking a football, getting off the couch, and taking a knee on his left foot.

"Peter, are-are you just trying to take a knee until the end of the fanfiction?" Lois asked. Peter didn't respond, nor did he move a single muscle.

"Peter, that's not gonna work, you can't-"

THE END

**V: The end. For real this time.**

**B: I actually had a lot of fun working on this, and I've just noticed we've been working on this for exactly two months. Well, anyway, we hope you enjoyed reading this, and we'll see you all, in another story. Peace.**

**W: Wait. If we're ending it, shouldn't everyone be here?**

**N: Not necessarily.**


End file.
